Archive for August, 2008

 

Answers

Aug 31, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

No internet.

It’s been a while since I’ve had no internet in my daily life.  There are times when I want to know something – anything – and I cannot find my answer.  I have lost the ability to mark something in my head as needing to be researched.  I feel like the questions get lost as soon as I realize my inability to get an instant answer.

But are the answers themselves behaving any better?  When I have access to all of the information of the internet and I look for that instant information, do I retain it?  Is an instant answer memorable?

Since being in India, there are so many things that I have been unable to figure out.  So much of my surroundings are new, unfamiliar in language only or in idea as well.  For example – I went to a tailor to have my lovely Varanasi silks made up into a salwar kameez.  The woman I spoke with asked me about chowridar.  Uh oh – a new word, a new idea.  Is this the local variant of the salwar kameez?  A local kind of top?  Or something altogether different?  If I had easy, transportable access to the internet, I could have looked that up.  If I had looked that up, she and I would have had a more sense-able conversation about the garments I wanted made.  But stumbling, wondering, finally figuring it out – might I remember better once I know what the chowridar is, because of the very weight of misunderstanding?

If there was a deep learning course as in scifi, wherein I popped in contact lenses, put ear buds in, and took a receptor pill…If in a hour, or an hour a day for a week, I could be fluent in Hindi…If I could take several courses and be fluent in Hindi, Marathi, Gujarati, Malayalam, Tamil…

Can mere translation fix misunderstandings born in culture difference?  There are more words without one-to-one translations than with.  Even the word I learned to be woman is not simple.  It implies a certain degree of maturity, marriage, and probably more of which I am unaware.

Looking up a word might – might smooth the misunderstandings of language.  To truly understand what I am being told, however…that is the work of more than translation.  It is a labor of growth in understanding itself, experience itself, and one which cannot be shortcutted through analog.  Because a salwar kameez is not like a pair of pajamas, a short dress with flowing pants, or a tunic and loose trousers.  A salwar kameez is a salwar kameez.  And the only way to know what it is, is to wear it.

So – am I really poorer in experience because I have no internet?  Or am I thrown back onto the only real learning possible?  Will I miss things because I cannot look them up and cannot understand them?  Or will I see things as they really are rather than seeing their homologues, their translated, falsified selves?

Warning: Graphic Sickness

Aug 26, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

The day of heroic effort and eventual comfort.

So, we woke up at about 8am and left the hotel almost three hours after we were supposed to be out. The proprietor pointed that out to us smugly, so satisfied by our lateness that I wanted to shake him. Far be it from me to deny him the pleasure of detesting us for whatever it is he detests us for.

We had almost five hours until our driver was to pick us up for the train, so we went back to Govinda’s – the restaurant with the great waiter. I put down my computer bag. I unsnapped the straps of my backpack, and with the expansion of my belly came a horrible feeling. I put down my pack and said to James, “I have to go to the bathroom – RIGHT NOW!” He thought I had the runs.

I started to throw up in the hotel lobby, about halfway to the bathroom. Swallowing chunks, I dashed past the impassive front desk clerk and around the corner to the “toilet.” They don’t call them bathrooms in India, which makes sense I guess, since you’re not meant to bathe there. And they’re mostly not the toilets I grew up with either. They’re inset in the floor rather than on a pedestal like a chair, so you put your feet on the corrugated bits and squat. I hear they’re nicer than the ones in France.

Just inside the room, without even locking the door behind me, I let go. I got most of it in the toilet, but moaned at the rest before losing focus again for another wave. Time after time, my stomach cramped, shooting its contents back out of my system, while my mind wandered. I stood, crouching, thinking, should I kneel? Would I dirty my clothing even more than it already was?

Finally, I felt safe in standing back and looking in the mirror over the sink. I was more red-faced than I’ve ever seen myself, and my eyes were so blue as to be unreal. I rinsed my mouth and spit, rinsed and spit. I rinsed the toilet and the foot placement parts, flushed it all down.

With an internal groan, I began to strip my pants off, then my underwear. I had realized that it was going to be both ends. And my only real thought was – what a drag. Another cramping hell, another cleanup, another red face in the mirror.

I rinsed my handkerchief in the cold sink water and gave myself a miniature sponge-bath. Within five minutes of the end of the hell, I felt marvelous. I was high in that less-sick kind of way, and I made my way back to the table easily. I told James the story of my time away from him, almost flippant, self-satisfied with it being safely past. He was more concerned than I was, but allowed the subject and focus to change, drift and shift as in all our best conversations.

After a couple of hours, we went to a different internet place and spent more time online. While James was writing, I asked after a toilet and was shown to a room with a toilet. I didn’t want to think about the origins of the stains on the walls. Hot and a little woozy, I made my way back to the shop to wait for James. We were overcharged again, and I kicked up a bit of a fuss, but paid. Ugh. We walked back to the hotel to meet the driver, and he was out front waiting. I was glad – it seemed like a good sign.

After the short trip to the station, James and I just looked around. Neither of us knew how to get to the platforms and it wasn’t marked. I saw a sign that said toilet/clockroom. I figured they meant cloakroom, and that maybe we could go through there, but when we got up to the door, it was a lot of men with their flies open, staring to see me in the doorway. I stepped back quickly, turned around, and stepped off the edge.

Bad, bad, bad. I don’t know what I did, exactly, but it seems that I pulled or tore tendons or muscles or tissue in my foot. Mostly numb, but in that scary way that means damage. I landed on my hands and knees in a puddle the constituent liquids of which I choose not to acknowledge. My backpack had tried to fly over my head but was held by the straps and only shifted a bit. My computer bag, though, had swung forward and was trapping me. I got the strap off my neck and shoulder and handed the bag to James, then sat back heavily.

Panting with fear, exertion, and pain, I looked at my foot. James was talking to me and moving around me, trying to see the damage, but I was not able to concentrate on him. He got me up and moved me to a clearer spot. I was heartened that I could hold any weight on it at all.

The numbness grew from my foot, quickly overtaking me. I put my head down and then…

I rarely remember my dreams. I’m sure I have them, because I can sometimes remember that they existed, though plots and characters don’t make it into the conscious world. I love it when I can remember something truly byzantine, complex, magical, strange, portentious. Something that came from inside of me.

When I came to, it was a bit like awaking from a dream. I was sure that there was a story going on. Part of the story was an insistent voice demanding that I talk to it. Saying my name over and over and demanding a response. As I tried to respond, I gained consciousness and answered, “I’m fine.”

A lie, but I didn’t know that. I hadn’t had to experience the 45 seconds or so when I went catatonic, unresponsive, drooped in a sitting position, eyes rolled back in my head. Poor James did. He knew that I wasn’t fine.

James, my hero. Really, he is marvelously heroic in times of need. He buckles down, gets it done, makes it happen. Once, he lifted a six foot dingy filled with water from a raging ocean in order to save our boat from being swamped because of its drag. That was maybe 30 gallons of water, plus the wooden boat itself.

This time, he figured out how to get to the platform, then loaded our 70 pounds of gear up – backpack on back, backpack on front, computer bags left and right sides – and walked with agonizing slowness to the train platform. His pace was constrained by my limp, and he urged me to go slower when I tried to speed up. He deflected the curious, guided me, and carried all of our worldly possessions. When we finally achieved the platform, I collapsed but he went and bought me more water, then arranged bags behind my back and under my leg. He found the instant ice pack (best when used between 50-80 degrees Fahrenheit, yeah right) and wrapped my foot with the ice pack and a bandage. He made me comfortable, and he got me on that train.

My hero. My love.

I scared the shit out of him, but he didn’t show any signs of it until after we were safe and sound, on the train heading to Varanasi.

Allahabad Sucks

Aug 25, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

Wow. Allahabad sucks. This is the first town in India that I have honestly just not liked. Strange.

We arrived in town at 5am. A bit disoriented (duh), we chose a rickshaw driver by chance. He said 5 rupees – before he had even heard our destination. I knew from the map that it was close, but…

He piled us and our gear into the little cycle-rickshaw and wow – do we ever not fit. Two skinny people would fit. I don’t know if James and I would fit even 100 pounds lighter, though. Very narrow seats! So we were each half on the seat and half on the decorative wooden side, which pressed painfully into my butt. The driver (rider?) then took us a completely unnecessarily circuitous route, which I didn’t begin to suspect until after I had paid him 20 rupees (feeling bad about the distance). He carried our luggage into the Hotel Tepso, then moped around hoping for more money. Having put some thought to the distance we’d gone, I was put out by him and shooed him away roughly.

The clerk was a drag, the room was whatever, and the phone call we got a couple of hours later (while making up for missed sleep) was a rude complaint that we hadn’t put our passport information in their guestbook. La-di-da, like it’s my job to do your job. So we got some chai in the overdone and overpriced Jade Restaurant and then tried to shake out the wrinkles of the day. We started walking.

We walked quite some ways down a main road. Businesses lined the street, but mostly behind closed doors. This felt more like strip malls than the shopping we’d experienced in India up to that point. Still not enamored of our new temporary home, we just walked along until a man made a beeline to us from a shop door. “Excuse me,” he exclaimed, “but are you from America?” His clear delight and lightly Indian-flavored English were too intriguing to resist and we stopped to talk. He was happy to chat for a few minutes about home – for he lived in Florida, with a green card, working for a department store. He sorely missed Florida and had only come back to India to settle his father’s estate. The father had died almost two months before, and the death was less present for him at that moment than his desire to get back where he was happy. We discussed India in general and then Allahabad and Kerala in particular. He assured us that Kerala was wonderful and Allahabad was terrible and that we would be much happier once we got south.

With our hopes boosted and his ties to the new land confirmed, we parted ways. After that, it was just bad. We couldn’t find the museum – unless the pile of bricks we found had once been a museum. We went to use the internet and the computer James was using crashed twice. James got caught by a “holy” man at the Sangam (the confluence of the Ganges, Yamuna, and mythical underground Sariswati rivers) and paid 70 rupees to repeat a prayer he didn’t believe in and make an offering of coconut, milk, and flowers to gods he’s never met. We waited for an hour and a half to buy tickets out of that place, paying a driver to wait for us the whole time. And the hotel’s proprietor made a big point out of the fact that rooms were rented for 24 hours and we’d have to check out at 5:30 in the morning.

Gift to the Ganga

Okay – that’s all very negative, but yes, being out on the river was lovely. It was the first real quiet I’d been able to soak up in a long time. Since Elephanta Island, maybe. When you keep the fan and swamp cooler on high all the time, your world is noisy. The river was cool, breezy, overcast enough for comfort, and the boats looked lovely on the water.

Another fun thing that happened – we had a great thali for dinner (a combination dinner in a large round metal tray with a inch or so high lip, with 8 or so dishes in smaller round bowls) with the best shahi paneer I’ve ever had. The food was great, but even greater was the waiter. He enjoyed us very much, asking all the same questions, agog when told we were staying for a year, and then deeply, fiercely jealous when told we would be living in Kerala. It seems that he has long dreamed of going to Kerala. It is, to him, the most perfect place in India. Of course, he’s never been there, so it’s all hearsay, but it was very important to him. He asked for our address so he could send us a letter and arrange a visit and I told him I didn’t have an address yet. Oh yes, he says, stymied. I asked him for his address and promised I’d write him when we got settled. So our first visitor in India might be Indian!

It was a long day, not nearly as enjoyable as everything else up to that point. James and I both washed three times, sweaty messes over and over, and we finally went to bed naked, without covers. Incidentally, we also didn’t set any alarms.

Krishna’s Birthday in Fatehpur Sikri

Aug 24, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

After our long, long walks of yesterday, we arranged a taxi to take us the 30km to Fatehpur Sikri. The short version of the story goes like this:

Emperor Akbar says, when will I have a son? Priest/saint/wise man says, on such and such date. Emperor Akbar says, oh yeah? Well, if so, then…

So when the son is born as the priest had foretold, Akbar is way stoked. He says, okay, I’m moving my capitol to your town. Get ready.

He builds a huge complex of temples, palaces, and a big ol’ fort. (He liked forts. He built the one in Agra as well.) One palace is called the Palace of the Christian Wife. (I bet you can imagine why.) That’s where the mother of his new son lives. They go along for a short while like this, then someone says, Emperor. He answers, yes? That someone says, well, we’re out of water. This place can’t support us.

So the Emperor and the whole court move back to Agra, and the buildings at Fatehpur Sikri fall apart. They’ve been restored somewhat now. The very beautiful marble building in the courtyard beyond the Victory Gate is now the tomb of the saint guy. It was pretty cool, and the gate is enormous!

James and I walked up the road until we reached a fancy building. We went in and looked around. It was all free. We had managed to accidentally miss the palaces that they charge admission for.

Oops! But that’s okay.

The real highlight of the day started while leaving the gate. We sat down to put our shoes on and suddenly there were people around us, Indian people, taking pictures of each other with us. Like with a rock star or something. It was funny, but James and I played along, pulling faces at the camera, then looking serious, then just smiling. We had maybe 50 pictures of us taken in that few minutes, with family members rotating out so that everyone was in a picture with us. We all introduced ourselves and walked down the long stairs together. James and I walked on, and headed to the bazaar.

On the way down, a dash of rain poofed the dust on the road. James bagged his camera and I tucked my Lonely Planet under my arm. We stopped at a cart and bought 25 rupees worth of potato cake, puri, and samosas. A feast! It drizzled a bit more rain onto us while we stood at the cart, bolting potatoes with cumin, cardamom, pepper, salt, perhaps cinnamon?

When the rain petered off again, we strolled up the market street, all the fronts of all the buildings completely opened to the street. We watched people cook paste that they then packed into rectangular trays – sweets. We watched tailors sewing on beautiful old-fashioned black and gold machines, some run by electricity and some by treadle. We watched a happy populace in their best clothing. What’s up with this place?

Oh, right. Krishna’s birthday. It’s a big celebration day all over. Of course, the biggest festivities are in the cities associated with Krishna’s life, but here in Fatehpur Sikri, the people were getting ready for 8pm, when the music would start and the party would take over the town.

As we walked along, children began approaching us. The first brave child shouted from a few feet away, “Hello!” James and I both sang back, “Hello!” After that, the floodgates were opened. As we walked, children came up to us, saying hello or practicing other English phrases, hand out. Though the first hand might have gotten a skeptical look, it soon became clear that the hands were for shaking, not for filling. We floated along the bazaar street on a wave of happy, excited children, waiting their turn for a word and a handshake and then pushing us along to the next child. When the real rain hit, we ducked into a tin-covered alleyway, too narrow for even a bicycle to pass. We sat on a low wall with a woman and several children. In the ten minutes of the deluge, we established names, places of origin, love of India, and school level. They were all learning English. The one who spoke and understood the most English was the shyest and rarely spoke, but he poked at the bolder, younger boy when he misunderstood us, rolling his eyes.

After the shower turned to drips, we waved and made our way back toward the entrance of the bazaar. Again the rain hit and again we took cover. Again we were perfectly placed to enjoy our enforced break, having ducked into the Hotel Ajay Palace, where their masala chai shows a liberal hand with the cloves and their kheer is made from scratch and to order.

We were so drained and happy and tired. The taxi ride back was quiet, unlike the ride out. We had talked the whole way with the driver, learning Hindi and teaching English. So much fun! But now, tired, we sat and contemplated our day. When the driver left us at the train station, we tipped him liberally. He was obviously shocked. I think he had pegged us as cheapskates. We had haggled down the ride itself, then refused to hire a guide at the parking area. We had even walked the kilometer and a half rather than paying 10 rupees for a rickshaw. He seemed honestly bowled over by the tip, and it made me feel good. I could afford it. Besides, he is saving up for his wedding next spring…

The Emperor Imprisoned

Aug 23, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

The smell of spicy-sweet incense, the heat that soaks beyond bone marrow into DNA, the smooth-sharp crack of HindiGujaratiMarathiMalayalamWhoKnowsWhat over the constant background of horns. These combine to hold me in each moment. I never have a TV feeling, never a moment that could have been on a screen. Every pore and nerve ending is whispering, screaming, sighing, or laughing. And they are all saying the same thing: India.

We toured around the Taj Mahal, walking all of the way around below it before climbing the wooden stairway built over the marble stairway. Once atop the broad base of the Taj, the artistry of the designers and builders shifted something in me, just like my first view from outside the gate, the glowing Taj Mahal framed perfectly in a dark entryway.

The Taj Mahal is a piece of art, surrounded by more art. The Taj Mahal is a crypt, but it lives. Never before have I truly loved a piece of death-art, but this place is homage, not just resting place. It is love, not loss.

We spent an hour and a half or so there and then walked to the Agra Fort. One piece of information that had stuck with me was this: Shah Jahan, the ruler who caused the Taj Mahal to be built, was imprisoned by his son in this fort. He was given rooms from which he could see the Taj, but was never allowed to visit.

Shah's View

Where I loved the Taj as art, I loved the Fort as function. It is a real, defensible fort, with real battlements and small openings from which you can hope to decimate an attacking group before having to face the remainder. But in addition to the actual fortress (still host to a garrison of soldiers and closed in that area to visitors), there are living quarters. Walking through the spacious rooms, pausing before some intricate pietra dura, looking into shallow holes under cutouts in the marble, I could feel the living history of the fort.

There was a serious and sad edge to my enjoyment, however. As much as I liked looking at the clever waterways running through the resting rooms, I wished the water itself was running. The living areas of the Agra Fort look abandoned and unhappy about it. The gardens, baths, and all of the rooms needed bustling life, water, flowers, furniture, artwork, jewelry, clothing, carpets…all of the items that turn empty marble spaces into havens of comfort and real human spaces.

Well, in my imagination, at least, I can see the life of an imprisoned emperor, closed into a fort with his wives and assorted retinue. Restless, pained, but given every comfort he required. I can see the swirls of social life, political intrigue, and the moments of helpless joy when, though he knows that he will die a prisoner, he is impaled on a shaft of love, of pride, of hope.

A Short One

Aug 23, 2008 in India

More of an prod to get you to the Slideshow link than anything else.  We got a ton of great pictures of the Taj Mahal and the Agra Fort today – check them out!

Uncivilized India

Aug 22, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

So far, pretty much everything I’ve had to say about India has been easy to categorize as praise.  It’s not perfect, though.  In one way in particular…

Uncivilized India is gross, overwhelming, too strong to ignore.  Uncivilized India is a country of littering.  And littering is a weak, polite word for an action that, en masse, leads to a river so choked with plastic bottles that the dead cow only shows a bit of bloated belly, otherwise hidden, coated, covered by Pepsi, Mirinda, 7-Up, Aquafina, etc, etc, etc.  The strange foil packets of tobacco flakes, breath mints, who knows what – they pile up in cracks and fill the potholes in the road.

People are constantly sweeping the sidewalks and street edges, but they cannot keep up with the flood of trash dropped, tossed, unconsidered by a billion people.  Who are the sweepers?  Are they of one caste?  Are they disappearing with the caste system?  Will the beauty of India drown in its trash as the habit of centuries, the reliance on “someone else” to clean for you, becomes a habit based on an old, out of date understanding of the way of things?

It’s happening.  But a country that opens trash bags to find what’s usable should be able to move toward recycling.  Right?

The Beautiful, The Cynical and the Spectacle

Aug 22, 2008 in India, James' Blog

(The Beautiful)

The smell of India, wow!

I cannot accurately explain how wonderful the smells of India are simply because of my lack of descriptive prowess and the fact that I don’t think English is a language that is built to describe the things that are in the air of India! I mean, saying something like, it smells like the combination of thousand year old incense, curry and four thousand years of passionate tears falls short by orders of magnitude, really!

5 hours of waiting in a train station sitting on a marble bench now feels normal but when we left Mumbai’s Central Terminus bound for Delhi my ass was in the special hell reserved for court clerks and meter-maids.

We boarded the Rajdhani Express in the 2/AC car (meaning, two bunks on each side top and bottom facing two more and the car was air conditioned) and immediately made ourselves comfortable. Sitting directly across from me was an older gentleman of Indian decent that commented on my Didgereedoo and asked me for a visual inspection. I started to do my standard explanation of what it was but he stopped me short by telling me what it was and where it was from. My response was a simple ‘yes’ and he began to tell me the story of his life by starting simply with, “I am a musician and a teacher…”

His name is Ustad Mohammad Sayeed Kahn and he is the 50th master of Rhaga singing in his family line, he is also the tragic end of that line of great singers. Over the next 6 hours (of on-and-off eating) he told us the story of the 400 years of his family and art and how the dynamics of rhaga music are the dynamics of life itself. He was born in India but because of his religious beliefs (Muslim) he now calls Amsterdam home and travels under a Netherlands passport and was on his way to Delhi to visit some family and “get a dose of India”, the home of his heart.  After a much needed nice long sleep we all woke up, said good morning, and started eating again. After a while Ustad (master) Kahn got all the people in our little 6 seat train complex into the conversation and Mohammad told us stories from all over India that had us all totally engrossed till the train came to a full stop in Delhi. We couldn’t have asked for a better bunk mate, it was truly an honor getting to know this man!

Once again, my words fall short on the greatness of this man so please go to his website located at:
www.umskhan.com

Then we were in Delhi but Dena already told you about that…

(The cynical)

A thick conical shield of indifference created by a cell-phone and a dirty diaper…

Two distractions that have effectively turned my species into self-centered prigs I believe.

I say my species only because I share certain physical commonalities with that ass-hole talking on a phone, changing a shit filled diaper on a screaming infant, on a packed train to Amritsar, India.

As the funk was stripping the paint from the ceiling, “Yes, yes… Buy-buy, sell-sell” droned the one sided conversation in a language I did not speak (Hindi, maybe), It (said funkyness) was suddenly and not-surprisingly joined by the familiar scent of baby powder. (Oh thanks, something I can actually stomach…)

This is indeed what 21st century mankind has become to some extent, totally oblivious breeders of screeching nasal-insults, mindlessly perpetuating themselves over and over and over again.

…On a fucking train?! You think this is the right place to clean that horrible mess, while the other four of her offspring insanely ran up and down the aisles of the train-car dodging over-worked porters and passengers (hunched over, holding their bellies) on their way to a lovely Indian-train-ride restroom experience. (?!)

The supposed father of aforementioned brood slapped the face of one of the little angles as it ran by (for good measure I guess) then continued his phone conversation that never ended for the entirety of the 6 hour trip to the most holy of Sikh cities, Amritsar, India the home of the Golden Temple.

Ah yes, Amritsar… It’s now 10:30 at night and the only people awake in the train station are the (almost starving) auto-rickshaw and taxi-cab drivers that descend on the white people like flies on an Indian train-track. They surround us in a packed circle that quickly removes all of the oxygen from our immediate environment. Back off! I yell, (a first for me in India) and the two of us jump into the first auto-rickshaw that pulls up and the driver quickly puts all of our stuff in the back of the car. Dena says “Guru Arjan Deb Niwas”

“You are staying at the Golden Temple?” the driver asks, surprise in his voice.

“Yes!” We say in smiling unison.

“Ok, 50 rupies each.”

The temple is three kilometers from the train station so just out of walking distance in the middle of the night. Visions of thoughtless cell-phoned, ass-hole parents of stinking nightmares flood my head, I am drenched with sweat and covered with the muck of a thousand miles of Indian train travel and inspired to boom, “Fuck You!” (another first for me in India)  I then jump out of the rickshaw and start yanking on the back door that has all of our baggage behind it, I say, “Open it or I’ll rip the fucking thing off! The driver quietly says to Dena, “Ok, ok 50 only!”

I (not hearing the above part of the conversation) am rocking the rickshaw off its wheels trying to get the back door open when Dena yells, “50 total!”

Suddenly subdued, I reply, “Ok” bow my head and returned to my seat in the rickshaw.

It is a quiet ride to the (now closed) Golden Temple. The drive of our rickshaw, whom was aware of this the entire time, quickly disappears into the night.

We walk about a block to the Sharma Guest House where stands the smiling face of our host and friend for the next 72 hours, Mr. Prem Singh Bore or rather “Mr. Love” as he came to be known by our crowd.

(…And the Spectacle)

“My name is Prem and in my language it means, Love!”

“Mr. Love, do you mind if I call you Mr. Love?”

“Yes, yes! You are my friend, you can call me anything you like, but this Mr. Love, I like!”

Ah, the Punjab! This is by far my favorite place in India so far, the beauty of the landscape and the warmth of the people we met there is (of course) indescribable but powerfully inspiring. I shot almost a thousand photos made some true friendships and came away with memories and stories that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. All this in one night, a day and a night…

(…To be continued)

Sikhs Do More Than Feed People

Aug 19, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

Arriving in Delhi after 18 hours on the Rajdhani Express, James and I donned our packs and stumbled off the train. We both looked left, looked right, and followed the rest of the riders left on the assumption that we’d find an exit. Correct!

At the very edge of the non-railway world, we paused before stepping out. We had seven hours until our train to Chandigarh, and though we were weighed down by our bags, we wanted to see something of Delhi. I had read through the highlights in the Lonely Planet and was most interested in Humayun’s Tomb, Connaught Place, and the Qutb Minar.

So we forged our way into the crowd. As soon as my foot touched the top stair outside, the touts got started. I was not surprised, but fought to remain clear enough not to feel overwhelmed. You’d think that being a head taller than them would give me all the confidence in the world, but being unsure of my bearings gives me a vulnerability that is visible. Masking it is a matter of finding a direction as quickly as possible. I haven’t yet been intimidated, just half-drowned, as though covering for a teacher in a raucous kindergarten class. My usually effective headshake and repeated nonononononono didn’t discourage them, but it did keep them from stopping me. Finally, we got to the line of taxis and saw a person who seemed reasonable. After a brief negotiation for three hours of touring, we told him he was ridiculous and that we wouldn’t pay his fee. He just nodded seriously.

Another man, who had remained beside me and who smelled of licorice, said not to pay him. “Go to tourist office,” he said, pointing out the place with a sign reading, of course, Tourist Office.

We nodded and walked over, wondering if this was for real. Apparently, the fake tourist office is a big deal in Delhi. There are thousands of them. It’s not that you can’t arrange for trips and such through those offices, it’s just that they’re private and designed to take as much of your money as possible. There is an official, state-run tourist office as well, but that’s not the one we entered.

After about three minutes of conversation with the guy, he quoted us exactly the same price as the driver below. We stood. I was shaking my head, but smiling. Really, scams are the same everywhere – unless you get emotionally involved in the idea of whatever it is they’re selling you, it’s not hard to laugh them off.

When we walked out again, though, the crowd of touts was waiting for us. They became much more offensive, standing closer, stepping in front of me, yelling right in my ear. They are worse to James – I get a little extra personal space being female. I suggested to James that we head back to the tourist office in the railway station itself and we went. Of course, they’re really there for rail stuff, but it’s a very nice waiting area and James and I powered up the computer, charged it up, and then moved to a couch for some reading.

I pulled out the Lonely Planet and started reading about Chandigarh. From the US, it had sounded lovely. From Delhi, it sounded more like the US than like what we’d been enjoying in India. I became even more dissatisfied with the idea of going there when looking at hotel prices. Ridiculous! Okay, what about…Amritsar? And just like that, the plan changed. James cancelled our original reservation and made a new one. We were off to see the Golden Temple, the Sikh’s biggest and most impressive place of worship. What did I know about Sikhism? Um, well, they feed people, I think.

The only downside of the train switch is that it pushed back our departure a full two hours. So we had waited two hours of our seven, then still had seven hours to wait. Having just spent hours in the Mumbai Central train station, we weren’t charmed by the idea of sitting around in this one. We hadn’t seen a single bit of Delhi yet, and the city outside agitated for attention. Finally, our annoyance with the touts faded enough that we could consider going back out. We only had one problem left – the bags.

We’re carrying about 30-35 pound each. Oops – I mean about 15kg each. (I’m trying to get on the bandwagon, but I barely have a toehold.) This is not too much to carry. I have a backpack that fits nicely along the curve of my back, with my hoodie rolled up in a bag on the bottom. That bag sits on the shelf of my ass quite nicely. I also have a computer bag, with my computer (of course), computer gear, Lonely Planet, Trains at a Glance, and the book I’m reading (currently Blue Mars by Kim Stanley Robinson). That bag goes crosswise on my torso and rests against my belly. It’s a pretty good balance. James has roughly the same, but with more of the odds and ends, so his load is just a bit heavier than mine.

Okay – not too much to carry. But too much to carry for very long, very comfortably. I could possibly walk for a couple of miles, or stand for an hour, but I wouldn’t like either one. And trying to keep an eye on where I’m going, an eye on my bags to make sure no one’s opening them and dipping in, and an eye on James to make sure we don’t lose one another…no go. So we puzzled it out. Some stations are listed in the Lonely Planet as having bag check areas. Delhi’s a big station. Even though we didn’t see a reference to a bag check, maybe there was one. Hey presto! What a good idea!

So James asked the man at the help desk. He said yes and gave us half of the directions, telling us to ask a policeman at that point. We did, and we found the bag check, except it was called a “cloakroom.” Oh, those wacky Brits! After a semi-long wait, an impromptu purchase of cheap locks from a queue-side vendor, and a strange exchange with the can’t-be-bothered clerk, he motioned for us to take our bags back. Back to rack after rack after rack, most full of luggage. They’ll hold luggage for up to one month, which is pretty neat when you think about it. Or not so neat once you realize that your luggage, if not made of a hard material, and especially if made of a natural material, will be nibbled and perhaps really eaten by rats.

Oh yes. Rats. Not mice. Believe me. I’m glad James didn’t get any pictures – I don’t need to see them ever again. Brave too. They didn’t really scurry, and they looked too well fed for all of the baggage to be intact.

But let’s not dwell on that subject, hmm?

So unencumbered by anything except our lovely zip-pocketed shirts and the Lonely Planet guide, we meandered back out with strong purpose and a plan. The plan was to walk to Connaught Place. Now, there’s only one problem with that plan, and it is that my entire sense of direction seems to be dependent on the conversation between my internal time clock and the almost subconsciously assessed position of the sun. Being in a place that is 11 ½ hours different has turned my world upside down. I’m sleeping fine, no problems with that, but when the sun is on my left shoulder and my internal clock says afternoon, I believe that I’m facing north. Of course, my internal clock being off, it’s not afternoon, it’s morning, and I am facing south. So we walked directly away from Connaught Place, looking into storefronts, trading hellos with dark, sparkling children proud of their English. The occasional driver tried to get our attention, but we just forged on.

A carefully dressed young man with a lovely grace was walking the same direction and slowed beside us. “Where are you from?” came the expected question. “USA,” went the usual answer. He was very excited about the USA, had family there, and was going to school for computer science. He was very pleasant, a happy change from the pushy drivers and touts, and exactly what we had come to expect of everyone who wasn’t trying to sell us something. After a brief conversation, he told us that we were nearing his neighborhood and that we shouldn’t walk there. Pickpockets, thieves, etc. Of course, they all knew him and knew he had nothing, but he said it didn’t matter what we did or didn’t have, they’d try to take it from us.

While we were trying to explain that we were no strangers to bad neighborhoods, and that we could handle ourselves, he dropped the bomb on us that we were headed the wrong direction for Connaught Place. Taking advantage of our confusion, he stopped an autorickshaw driver, dickered sharply for a few seconds, and then said, “Okay, he will take you to Connaught Place. Ten rupees, no more!” This, after paying 30-50 rupees for rides of about the same duration! And before I really had wrapped my head around what was happening, we were hustled out of “danger” and into a taxi, driving away and waving at the young man.

In an amused, touched, willing-to-believe frame of mind, we arrived at Connaught Place and started walking. There were still the usual calls from drivers, but no pressure, and more than one person stopped James to compliment him on his mustache or beard. Wow – never in the 12 years we’ve been together have I seen people so enamored of his facial hair. But there were comments and compliments and casual short conversations. Each one ended with a suggestion that we go to the Tourist Office, the official one, not a rip-off. Each person received a warm smile and was told no, but thanks.

Finally, after a circumambulation of the not-terribly-impressive central park of Connaught Place, we headed back toward the road that would lead us to the train station again. We were still hours early, but figured it might take us a while to walk the distance. As we walked down Radial 2, a stocky man in a red turban exclaimed over James’ beard, requested a sample from James’ digeridoo, and asked the usual where-are-you-from. That branched into a long, loud, happy conversation about Oakland, where he worked at a gas station on Mandela Parkway, where we rode our bikes past his gas station daily. When we said we were going to see the Golden Temple, he said, “I am Manjeek Singh. This is my rickshaw, but I am on a break, going to my temple. I am Sikh. I want to share my temple with you – no money, just share.”

On instinct, James and I both believed him. We looked at each other, not to assess his trustworthiness, but to assess our time and interest. In a quarter of a second, we both answered, “Yes!”

Now, I don’t want to give the temple short shrift. It was an amazing experience, not documented in photos because James had checked his camera along with the baggage. We will go again to enjoy the Sikh hospitality and to get pictures of the place. But really, for me that visit was about being introduced, by a generous man, to the beauty and ritual of a Sikh temple. From covering our heads, to washing our hands and feet, to walking around the central building where the writings were displayed, to eating the mash that they drop into your hands at the exit, I marveled at the art, architecture, and music, but more than anything else, I marveled at the attitude. He loved showing off his temple, and we were made very welcome.

When we left, he ushered us into his rickshaw and then turned from the front seat and looked at us speculatively. He said, “You still have a couple of hours until you leave. No pressure, you can of course say no, but if you will go to two or three shops for me, they will pay me in fuel coupons. Ten minutes in each, and my fuel is paid for.”

Now, this might sound like the punchline. This might sound like the point. But I truly believe that it was not. I am almost completely certain that this man would be just as good to us, drive us just as happily to the train station if we said no as if we said yes. Had I believed otherwise, I would have said no, kneejerk, just on principle. But I believed, James believed, and we couldn’t see the harm of shopping for a little while. So we stood and waited on a corner with him, while he made cellphone calls to another driver.

Turns out, he owns a small fleet of cars and rickshaws, and one of his cars is attached to the Imperial Hotel, a very fancy place, way out of our price range. We got into that car (nicer interior than we were used to) and waved goodbye to our friend. The new driver wasn’t very communicative, but he drove us to a shop and opened our doors. As we walked up to the shop, I started to realize that this was no casual hole-in-the-wall.

Eighty-year-old Himalayan carpets for $4000, new handmade carpets in traditional designs for $1300. Saris, jewels, household goods, and more. It was all beautiful, and James and I accidentally overdid our roles. Carpet after carpet was unrolled for us and we discussed quality, workmanship, and design with the salesman. Finally, I looked at my watch and realized it had been a half-hour. Just as the salesman must have thought he was closing the deal, I looked at James and said, “We have to go!” We got a business card and hustled out of there, feeling bad, feeling even a bit covetous.

Whew! Two more upscale shops later, I was tired of looking at “wedding ring” pashmina, ornate jewelry, marble with precious stone inlays, and sundry other items. Only one thing neared the purchasing threshold – a set of tablas – but James backed away and we left. I’m not much of a shopper, but at least I know what these things cost in fancy shops. Better bargaining power if I buy something in a plainer shop later.

He took us back to the train station in plenty of time, and though when asked about accepting a tip, he shook his head in the Indian fashion, it means neither yes nor no, and we took that as a yes. So another train ride began shortly thereafter – another large meal (chai, biscuits, candies, soup, breadsticks, butter, samosas, strange sandwich, more chai, paneer dish, dal, rice, yogurt, and ice cream, served in non-stop courses over six hours). And then we were in Amritsar.

Stained-Glass Butterflies and Men with Guns

Aug 17, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

Violence. Authority. I imagine that the police in India are aiming for the latter, but I can’t help but see the former. Here’s one of the little comparisons that I’ve been so happily avoiding for the most part. I came here to experience India and to seek out pockets, moments of civilization. Comparing the US and India is not what I’m after. Finding the best in each place I go is the point. But this one thing brought back to me my foreign-ness here and the fact that I do not, cannot know exactly what to expect.

Walking out of the airport, I had my first experience with Indian guns. The police at the exit were carrying shouldered rifles. Real, deadly rifles, with which they could shoot and kill someone, even if fleeing. I was taken aback, but also exhausted, and it seemed to me a bit foggy. I didn’t even have the energy to imagine a cause for these rifles – reports of suspected terrorists arriving, protests outside, a violent passenger who was being removed from the airport. I just passed them by with a “whoa.”

Awaiting the train today, James and I spent hours in the Mumbai Central train station. For the most part, I was happy and contented. I had a veritable pageant being performed around me.

There were very poor women sitting in a group with one man (prostitutes and a pimp? Another thing I can’t recognize here). They were eating bread and butter, but somehow the man had cadged extra butter. They made little balls of the butter, popped them in their mouths, and appeared to luxuriate in the richness as it warmed on their tongues. The bread was dispatched much more quickly. The women rarely looked at me, but if I smiled, they smiled back before ducking their heads. One pretty young-old woman joined them, showing the short, torn edge of her insufficient sari wrap and exposing her tatty petticoat when she sat. She was the liveliest of them, bantering with the man and poking at the other women until they laughed along with her. Her hair was in a tidy braid that ran down to her waist, and the end flicked from side to side as she looked from friend to friend. Though she settled down after a bit, she rocked for a while, back and forth from hip to hip, rolling her bottom on the cool concrete. I wondered, drugs or just high spirits?

In an absolutely discrete group sitting four inches away, a family waited patiently. The mother propped her shoulders on the seatbacks behind her, legs folded under her sari, only a hint of sag to her straight shoulders. She sat on a large blanket, her family’s bags beside her, her children in front of her, and her husband next to the children. Her smile for the baby standing a step in front of her, perhaps two years old, charmed me. I looked at the baby, wondering at the emotions behind that loving, wry, indulgent smile, and saw a little person with pinpoint concentration. Not confused, not intimidated. This child looked at one thing at a time and it seemed to me that he saw that thing. Not some other thing, not a thing like it, but exactly that one thing the way it existed in exactly that one moment. I smiled too, loving the present, loving the feeling of sharing an experience with a baby. Because that is what India has been like for me as well. I am seeing everything for the first time, and so I feel that I really see it. More than at any other time in the parts of my life that I remember, I was being present, seeing people and things the way they are. I had feared what I call screen syndrome. I experienced it at the Grand Canyon, where I couldn’t quite understand that I was seeing something real and present, rather than on TV. Heading to India, screen syndrome had seemed possible. After all, most of my ideas about India had been formed through photos, Bollywood movies, and documentaries. But that baby and I were having the same experience, of seeing the real, not the expected. When he looked at me, we stared into each other’s eyes. After a salt-water taffy moment, I felt my face change shape. I smiled, completely unselfconsciously. The baby smiled too.
Self-consciousness came back to me, though. I glanced up from the child and met eyes with the mother. She smiled at me, laughed, and when the baby looked at her, she pointed back at me and modeled a wave for the baby. He waved at her and she laughed again, pointing at me and waving. He turned back to me, and suddenly we were all playing a game. We waved, made funny faces, laughed, and finally allowed our attention to fade as the child’s brother started to play. The baby joined his brother. The mother and I continued to share smiles until they left, when she once again modeled a wave at me for her children. They both waved at me, the older unsure why I rated a wave, the younger unsure why wiggling his arm was necessary at that moment. They disappeared, with their bags and blanket and love.

But this post was going to be about violence, wasn’t it? Did I start by talking about guns? I did, and because there was one experience that wrenched me back into a separated, analytical, observer mode. It was a moment, very short, but it reverberated in me for quite some time. A group of police walked between James and me and the others sitting in the station. This group was very brisk, very businesslike. They knew exactly where they were going, and they weren’t getting ready to wait. That alone set them apart from the others wandering the station. The second thing, the big thing, that set them apart were the Kalashnikov machine guns, butt in hand, muzzle on shoulder. I dissociated right there, right in the middle of one of my most deeply immersed days ever. Part of me tensed, ready for trouble. Part of me sought a cause for the machine guns. And the realization slowly spread that this was not special. That there was no cause, no trouble. Only men with guns.

Only men with guns. Violence? Authority? These men didn’t give the impression that they were going to the back of the station to shoot someone. They didn’t give the impression that they were about to grab someone and drag them away. But their guns did. Their guns spoke to me of danger, of abuse, of pain and fear. Their guns said to me, I can kill you.
I imagine that the people inside those uniforms hope, more often than not, that they will not have to shoot anyone. I imagine that the people inside those uniforms hope that the uniform itself, coupled with a gun that can kill your entire family if you make trouble, will keep you in line. I imagine they are hoping for an authority that they can don with the rest of the accoutrements of their positions. And in a way, I imagine that they get what they are looking for. I would certainly do as they ordered. Move here? Okay! But the phrase that circles through my head in these situations of overt force is this: If I can’t get respect, I’ll settle for fear. And me, I find that absolutely, completely uncivilized.

Now, I would never suggest that this experience was Indian in nature and not something that happens in the US. I have experienced the same thing many times in the US. Those times when the authorities feel fear and decide to inspire it instead. But in a day-to-day way, on a daily basis, it feels less scary to see a pistol firmly strapped to a cop’s hip, snapped down and secure. Have I just been successfully habituated to that, or is it really less of a show of force. I’m not sure. But a shouldered machine gun inspires in me a very different feeling. Even knowing that the pistol is a Glock that can cut a person in two, the snap helps. It suggests force in abeyance, force that is not deemed necessary in that moment. The mere suggestion of a present calm calms me. But now, thinking about Glocks verses Kalashnikovs, I’m not so sure there is really a difference. Violence in potential. I don’t like it.

To move past that feeling, I left James with the bags and walked outside. There are gardens on each side of the central drive up to the station. They are fenced, for viewing only, but I walked along the fence of each one, looking for the present moment in the flowers. I found the present in a green, black, and red butterfly with the sun behind it, dipping and sipping and pollinating, looking like a mobile stained-glass window.