Archive for October, 2008

 

12 Whole Years!!!

Oct 25, 2008 in India

Our first Tenth Anniversary

12 years ago I met Dena for our first “real” date at Louie The Blacksmiths Halloween party and we have been almost inseparable since that day, that day being October 25 1996.

Two short years after that day we called all of our friends and family together to meet us on an Island in the Puget Sound to celebrate a set of promises that we had written together for each other.

Ten years!

I never thought for a second before meeting Dena Hankins that I would be able to put up with a person for more then a decade but even more phenomenal is the fact that she has not only put up with all of my many idiosyncrasies but she in turn loves and respects me in the same way that I love, honor and respect her.
The promises that we wrote to each other and proclaimed to our family and friends a decade ago read like this;
We promised to work at loving each other.

We promised to take care of each other when we need it, to leave each other alone when we need it and to ask when we do not know which is needed.

We promised to communicate our needs to the best of our abilities.

We promised to remember that we are both individuals.

We promised to weigh each others wishes before making decisions concerning each other.

We promised to to try to know each other to the fullest extent possible in each phase of growth and change.

We promised to keep the above promises fresh and relevant and to keep our love young and new!!!

I look back over the last decade plus two that we have been together and I can clearly see that we have kept our promises to each other by simply loving and respecting each other.

…That’s easy!

Now I am ready to face the rest of our lives together, and no matter how many decades and miles we sail together as long as we keep our promises to each other we will only become stronger in our love and respect for each other!

Dena, I love you more today!

James

No God

Oct 16, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

I have never been so unwilling to be mistaken for a Christian. It’s been a long time now since I claimed that belief system, and I’ve gotten used to the subtle and blatant ways of cluing the people around me into the fact that I’m not a believer.

But here, wow. I didn’t even realize it was happening. All this time in India, throughout North India, all the way down to Trivandrum and back up to Cochi. It wasn’t until we stopped and met some fishers on the beach at the mouth of the river that runs nearby that I realized what was happening. It had even happened before, but I hadn’t recognized it.

They thought we were one of them! They – these guys – were Christians, Keralan Christians. The whole way they came up to us and spoke with us and urged us to go out drinking with them and asked to come to our house…it was all so intimate. It was as though we were supposed to know them already.

And it was all based on a fallacy. Finally, one of the boys mentioned being Christian and we clarified that we were not. What are you?

What are we? In India, being non-religious seems to be the only really strange thing to be. There are religious systems in India, ancient and unique systems, that have fewer than 200,000 adherents worldwide. There are Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, Jains, Parsis, Jews, and of course, Christians. Being as though Goa was ruled by Portugal from 1510 until 1961, it shouldn’t be surprising that there would be so many Christians…but it was.

About 75% of the Christians in India live in South India. A Syrian Christian named Thomas Cana, a merchant, arrived in the 4th Century. He had 400 families in tow. That’s a good sized town, so I’m sure they spread out a bit. I don’t know much about the Syrian branch of Christianity, but if they run true to form, they got right down to the work of spreading their religion throughout the area. The Catholics were next with the Portuguese, but the English, Dutch, and Danish all brought their versions of Protestantism.

So what does all this matter, since it has nothing to do with me?

Well, apparently, it does involve me. It sucks me in and assumes my interest, complicity, involvement.

What are we? In India, churches are being burned and people are dying over religion.

The Hindu groups organizing these violent acts claim things like:

  • Hundreds of churches are being built and staffed in areas with no Christian population.
  • The Christian missionaries make unreasonable promises and target the poorest, most vulnerable Hindus for conversion.
  • Modern-day Indian Christianity is largely a result of old-time forced conversions.
  • Christian missionaries hand out pamphlets denouncing Hinduism, the Hindu gods, and promising horrible things for those who don’t convert.
  • Missionaries stage seeming miracles, contrasting supposed ineffectiveness of calling on old gods with the supposed effectiveness of Jesus. These are frauds such as: giving placebos in the name of the old god and then real medicine in the name of Jesus, setting afire a bronze cross and a paper mache or wood idol of the old god.

Sounds like par for the course to me. Christianity claims to be a gentle religion, but it is the gentleness of assurance and perseverance. I wish that the Hindus would focus on education efforts – at this point in history there aren’t very many (note that I refrain from claiming none) conversions at gun- or knifepoint. But the kind of education that arms a hungry person against someone who wants to trade words for food…that education is not very useful to any religious group who is interested in poaching souls (or reconverting, I mean).

I know a lot of people who will disagree with me on this. I hope that you read this and understand my point of view, even if you can’t share it.

How can a Hindu leader hold his people close and keep them safe from the ravages of Christianity? Not with clear-headed education on the subject of religion. Not with scope and scale on the history of human belief systems that put the minor differences into perspective. Not with a self-reflective and self-critical eye that exposes the defects in Christianity and in Hinduism. Not with exposure of the tricks and systems of manipulation the Christians will use in order to convert you. Because once one turns that eye to religion, one sees that all religions have strange and fanciful histories, that all religions work on a level of faith that cannot be explained away or explained at all. The Jesuits have been torturing themselves (and others) for centuries in their attempt at using that eye on their religion. But faith is a stronger emotional experience than it is a rational experience, and transferring that emotion is not as hard as actually convincing a person that their ideas are incorrect and that yours are correct. Or that praying to Ram achieves real miracles while praying to Jesus does not. To disprove through rational means the efficacy of praying to Jesus, a leader will be leaving his own religion open to that same rational means of examination. What religion can be proven out on those terms?

How does a religion woo practitioners? The easiest way is to buy them. Christian missionaries targeting the poorest low-caste Hindus is a perfect example of this. “There’s no reason for you to go hungry tonight. Come to the church, we will feed you.” This conversation happens every day in churches all over India. If you are hungry, sooner or later you will want to eat. Eating their food is opening yourself to admitting that they are doing good, that they are good. In Orissa, there are people telling tales of actual cash payments – monthly stipends – for coming to church regularly.

Hinduism does not have practice in buying converts. It has been embedded in India for so long that it isn’t used to making itself look good to outsiders for the purposes of conversion. Hinduism wasn’t even a named and organized religion until the British arrived with their measuring sticks and notebooks and decided on something to call this set of practices and beliefs. It was simply the way of life, and as such it was free to stratify clearly, to separate people by types of work done and then assign values to each type of work. And of course, by skin color. That bias is stronger in India than I’d realized.

So in Orissa, the anti-Christian Hindu organizations have begun to emphasize the benefits of being Hindu. If you were low-caste before you converted, you gave up a status in the legal realm that gave you access to reservations, the Indian version of Affirmative Action (and predating it by quite a bit, being as though the first reservation system was put into effect in 1935). They organize to help feed, clothe, and house reconverted Hindus.

Is this better? Well, I’m always glad to see a community begin to take care of itself…meaning the money spread a little more equitably. But it doesn’t change the fundamental societal weaknesses that leave people ripe for conversion: poverty, hunger, illness, ignorance, and lack of options.

What are we?

We are people with no god. I would think that would leave us without a side in this issue, but I’m finding that atheism is also present in India. We do not turn “Atheism” into a religion, as many people do, with their own sort of proselytizing and converting, so I feel little to no community emotion at the idea of there being other atheists.

We are people with respect for culture. I recognize that there are ways of dressing, cooking, and otherwise living one’s life that are comfortable, make one happy, and fulfill human needs for community. Beside, the different ways people live make for a better, more interesting, more adaptive world…when those people are willing to adapt. One of the problems I have with religion is the fierce consequences for change and adaptation. In a world where outrageous resources are needed to bring meat from fertilization to table, holding onto one’s meat-eating habits in order to differentiate oneself from one’s neighbors is counter-adaptive. (Yeah, I know. The reasons for eating meat are many, but I’ve never heard any but culture, habit, or inertia that I could really understand.)

We are people with no community. This may sound megalomaniacal (it feels vaguely hubrisish just writing it), but there are no people like us. We are able to take part in bits and pieces of rite and ritual from a collection of communities: travelers, sailors, writers, cyclers, tech geeks, vegetarians, sexual activists, non-breeders; but we do not shape our behavior to ensure continued membership in any of these. So we are not tied to any community traits and we are therefore more flexible in integrating what we like about cultures we meet and get to know.

So why, of all of the assumptions being made about me daily, does the assumption of Christianity bother me?

It must be discomfort with some corollary assumptions I’m assuming they’re making. And that brings up my own assumptions about Christianity. It’s uncomfortable to think about, because I’ve been so sure that I disagreed with the ideas of Christians but that I did so rationally and clearheadedly.

Over the last few days, as I’ve slowly eeked this post out, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I’ve been realizing that I have more negative feeling for Christianity than for any other category of belief. Not as much as for ways that people act or think, like fanaticism, intolerance, violence, and so on. But as far as straight up in-your-face disagreeing, it’s Christianity that inflates my balloon.

Thinking about my anti-Christianity bias, I come to several conclusions.

  1. As someone who leans toward the empiricist view, I most believe and feel strongly about those things I have personal experience with. (Though even Locke argued that God was an exception to empiricism. Sigh.) My overwhelming experience with religion has been with Christianity. Therefore, my strongest feelings and deepest held beliefs will be about Christianity rather than another religion.
  2. There are qualities and characteristics I abhor having attributed to me. Some of those qualities are fanaticism, irrationality, proselytizing, condescension, close-mindedness. I attribute all of these to Christianity in general. These are qualities which are very common in the practitioners of Christianity.
  3. I have a degree of prejudice against Christians that would shame me were it any other group on the planet. Does it shame me? Some. But I also have many bad experiences with Christians that I can base my prejudging on. It’s like, how many frogs have you seen? How many of them were some shade of green? Is it fair to assume that most frogs are green? Yes, if you’ve seen a lot of frogs from different places with different backgrounds living different kinds of life. (We have little frogs who invade our kitchen to eat bugs.)
  4. I probably have many of the assumptions wrong. I bet there are prejudices in Indian people toward Christians that I never even thought of. So I need to say about this the same thing I say about the other assumptions people make about me. So be it.

In all the (more and more secular) world, India is a place where religion is an issue, where religion is a major part of the public as well as the private lives of the citizenry. I know that there are many places we could go where most of the people we met wouldn’t wonder about our religious beliefs. But we’re in India and we will continue to confound expectations at every turn. I’ve begun learning Malayalam, so I hope to get a basic vocabulary with which I can shock people on the basis of language. I don’t have unlimited funds (though I do have some nifty toys and it’s true that I have more resources than many people). We’re pretty familiar with the range of veg food served around here, so our ordering and eating is pretty smooth. And wow – I have no god.

P.S. You’ve all tended to send me emails about my posts – I’d be interested in getting you to comment instead so that there could perhaps be a discussion.  I definitely want to know what you think about all this.

Blue Water Dreams, Chapters 1 & 2

Oct 15, 2008 in Dena's Fiction

Chapter 1

A light breeze floated the jib’s clew high above the impenetrable green of Lake Union. Lania sailed northeast into a cobalt sky unseen in Seattle since the previous spring. She slipped over the little wind waves, the lapstrake planks of the boat’s hull amplifying the whispered flirtation between wood and water.

Alone in a responsive boat, Lania sailed across the north end of the lake as though racing, every gust an opportunity and every slack a test of her judgment on sail trim. Fingertips alive to the precise tension on the jib sheet, she milked each patch of moving air by hauling in or slacking the line a half-inch at a time. Slipping from pocket to pocket, her eyes scanned for the ruffled water that indicated air currents. Puff chasing in a long ellipse around Lake Union.

Heading south now, rougher water ahead revealed the salty compressed air currents caused by Puget Sound winds circumventing Queen Anne Hill. Many a sailor had capsized in that knockdown alley but Lania could see it coming. The varnished teak tiller rested along her hip, transmitting the Morse code of the water’s motions from the rudder into her listening flesh. Her right hand tugged the main sheet free of the fiddle block’s cam cleat. The line sizzed through a four sheave block and tackle system that quadrupled her strength and made short work of bringing the boom lower and closer to the centerline.

Capable hands firmed on the tiller and jib sheet. Lania slid to the starboard settee as the green waters lifted, the peaks lightening to celadon and then growing frothy white beards behind each wind wave. One foot braced on the opposite settee as the small wooden boat began to heel. Forearms and wrists flexed in slow counterpoint to the growing force building behind the sails. The lee gunwale dipped closer to the water as the heel increased from ten to fifteen degrees, then twenty, twenty-five.

Power hummed in the tight stainless steel shrouds bracing the mast from the deck. A tangled curl whipped across her cheek and lips, but the sails in the wind and the keel in the water demanded that she ignore the tickling distraction. She pushed the tiller harder to port and fed the jib just enough slack to spill a little wind. This rebalancing of forces brought her back to twenty degrees heel and up to an exhilarating six knots. She sailed the knife’s edge where sail shape and heel combined for the best possible speed.

A young girl, eight or nine and swamped in an oversized life vest, zigged and zagged toward her port beam on a tiny sailboat called a Laser. The child bounced from rail to rail on each tack as another child might walk along kicking a pinecone–casually, comfortably, and with little attention to the details of the operation.

Where in the world would she be if she’d begun sailing so young? Lania’s first sailing lesson was only one year past. Before she’d ever stepped aboard to haul a sail, she’d dined on books of salty nomenclature, aero- and hydrodynamic theory, and the rules of the road. Once on the water, the abstracts of current, hull shape, and sail trim spoke to Lania, sometimes yelled at her, through the actions and reactions of the boat she sailed. She found that her inner ear judged balance faster than her brain. That she could tack based on a feeling and justify it later with fact. That she had a knack.

As the girl drew close, Lania smiled and waved as sailors do. A small hand raised her direction before another tack took the child and her Laser behind Lania’s borrowed boat. Where would I be?

I could be anywhere. Electricity pulsed through her body as that thought swirled into a revelation. Not just if I’d learned earlier, but right now. Right now, I can travel anywhere I want. Lania’s shaking hand tightened on the teak tiller. And I know how I want to get there.

Lania felt a year’s worth of study, work, and fun come into focus against the restlessness and stagnation that had begun to permeate her unchanging life. Travel, growth, learning. Change. What better way to achieve a sustainable state of motion and change than living aboard a boat and sailing around the world?

Unconscious of her smile or the corona of frothy dark hair surrounding her glowing face, Lania eased out of the wind’s path. The mast rose again toward the sky as she fed the jib some line in the softening breeze and tugged the mainsheet out of the fiddle block’s cam cleat. Inertia slid the dinghy toward the Center for Wooden Boats from the northwest with all sail slacked.

Joy warmed her in the cool air of spring. Underpinning the simple happiness of the moment, a deeper satisfaction and brighter excitement flowed from her newfound conviction.

Chapter 2

Lania stood in the cockpit as the boat approached the dock head-on. Her thick lashes filtered the sun’s glare as she squinted, assessing the perfect moment to spin the boat parallel to the wooden float. She looped a dock line on her hand and saw a backlit figure wave from the float.

“Toss me your stern line!” A man’s voice, unfamiliar and unwelcome at this moment.

Annoyed to have her concentration broken, Lania shouted her reply. “No thanks.”

The bow loomed over the rough plank on the edge of the float before she pushed the tiller hard to port in the final turn upwind. The stern slewed, rotating the boat into dock and bringing Lania within an easy step of the float. She dropped the tiller and hopped off the boat to snug the stern line to a handy cleat. With calm competence, she walked forward and pulled the bow line off the deck to finish making fast the boat.

She stepped back onto the deck to lower the sails, but the same voice disturbed her solitary peace once again. “Want a hand with the sails?”

Lania turned from the halyards at the main mast to look up at the persistent helper. Haloed by the mid-afternoon sun, his features faded in shadow and Lania could only make out the general shape of him. He looked lean but strong in baggy shorts and a t-shirt. A brush of short pale hair glowed in the light and Lania could just make out his sharp, youthful features.

Some of these boat nuts would do anything to get aboard. Lania sympathized, but her focus on singlehanded sailing required that she be able to do everything herself. Shaking her head, Lania turned him down again. “No, thank you. I’m fine.”

“Okay.” His graceful shrug matched his easy tone, but he didn’t move. Lania brought down the main sail, flaking it in neat, even folds. Self-conscious, she glanced at the man again. The small frown that replaced her earlier smile must have communicated her discomfort to him, as he gave a little wave and turned to walk away.

She watched him saunter down the bobbing float before turning to bring down the jib. As she let the sail drop to the deck and then unhanked it from the forestay, the image of a fit, graceful walk slipped into her thoughts. A very attractive man.

#

A half-hour later, she’d stowed and scrubbed and made the whole boat secure. After pampering the small boat she’d borrowed, she shrugged her backpack on and made the rounds of the docks to check on her other favorites. Each boat was a carefully maintained work of art, from a red-painted seven foot long skiff to the forty-three foot gaff-rigged teak schooner glowing with deep layers of old varnish. Of the twenty-seven boats owned by the Center, Lania’s quick eyes spotted almost a dozen missing. A busy Sunday at the beloved but usually quiet non-profit.

On her way out, she glanced into the busy workshop beside the bottom of the gangplank. She waved to the slight old man pulling fragrant curls of wood from a teak board with a hand plane. He raised his bristly chin in quiet acknowledgement. She loved the way his hands matched the grain and shade of the teak on which he often worked. They’d never spoken, but she liked him.

The Center for Wooden Boats was fronted by a lakeshore park that Lania enjoyed using as an office. A rich aroma of sawn wood, pine needles, and grass underpinned the living smell of freshwater plants. An oyster-shell path split the Center’s lakeshore park, connecting the gangplank to the parking lot. The path curved under a pavilion displaying Coast Salish and Nootkan-style canoes and kayaks built by summer camp kids. Lania’s bike was locked to a large-linked old anchor chain that ran around the park in two semi-circles from the parking lot end of the path to the gangplank. A thorny tangle of blackberry vines draped the land’s edge beyond the chain.

Lania sat at the park’s picnic table with the sun behind her and fished her notebook from her backpack. The most recent submission she’d received for her magazine needed extensive editing. She pulled out the typed pages and began reading. Only a sentence into the piece, she started writing editing points in her notebook.

“Mind if I join you?”

Lania recognized the voice but spoke without hesitation. “Of course.” There was only one table in the park, after all.

“You do mind?” Humor shook the smooth tenor.

She looked up at the man who’d tried to help her dock the boat, irritated by the continued distraction. “I meant of course you may join me. I don’t mind.”

“Thanks.” He sat, placing a backpack and bicycle helmet on the seat next to him. His short golden hair extended down his sharp-cut jaw in the form of light stubble. Eyes the green of tender, newly unfurled leaves echoed the humor she’d heard in his voice. They compelled her to share the joke and Lania forgot her annoyance in an unbidden smile. A quirk in his thin lips stretched into a grin in response.

“Ole Rassmusen.”

He certainly looked Scandinavian. Trapped by politeness, Lania grasped Ole’s hand. “Lania Marchiol.” The warm length of his fingers curled around her hand.

“Beautiful park, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Okay, so he was sexy. She brought her smiling lips under control. She still had work to do.

“Don’t talk much, do you?”

“I’m trying to focus on this essay.” She tapped her pin against the printout that lay beside her open notebook. Ole’s grin acquired a wicked twist at the unsubtle brush off.

“You’re a student?”

“No, an editor.”

“Of essays?” Patience gleamed in the flash of teeth as he smiled. Persistent bugger.

Impatient fingers tucked a heavy lock of mahogany hair behind one ear. “Yes, of essays.”

“What’s it about?”

Was he flirting with her? Pretty eyes aside, she didn’t have time for flirtation. She needed to get this essay sent back for revision right away. Besides, if she was going to buy a boat and sail away, guys ranked low on her list of priorities. Lania drew on her obfuscatory powers, sure he’d crumble under the onslaught. “It’s an essay on gender roles in activist communities and vestigial gendered forms of protest. It discusses the virilization of honor and how activists both subvert and replicate normative gender ideologies.”

Those fresh green eyes widened. “Wow.” She returned her attention to the paper in front of her, but, to her surprise, he continued. “I’m filming a documentary of the Seattle General Strike of 1919, so I’ve been studying up on labor history and the ways that even men and women in gender-normal jobs would step outside their roles during strikes. Is that the sort of thing discussed in the essay?”

No longer annoyed, she studied him closer and continued in the same vein. “Many people expect activist communities to be models of equality, but they’re constituted of people just like any others, with a significant number of sexist, racist, homophobic, and otherwise discriminatory problems cropping up periodically. This piece is specifically about gender norms and how otherwise transgressive people fight or fulfill these norms.”

She stopped to check his comprehension and he looked amused. “Don’t worry about losing me. I can hold my own.” A cocky grin made Lania laugh against her will. A thread of interest wound through her, though she tried to resist. He dressed like a skater or a bike messenger. This Ole Rassmussen wasn’t the only sexy academic she’d known, quite the contrary. But he was unexpected.

“What do you do with these essays?”

“I publish a magazine called Literate Life.

“A magazine of essays? Is there a market for that kind of thing?”

“No, not really. I make the magazine myself. It’s dedicated to exploring ideas that languish in academia. Sort of off-center highbrow.” Lania hated describing her magazine. She never did it justice. One short fingernail picked at the peeling red paint of the picnic table.

“What is involved in making a magazine?” Ole spoke in a coaxing manner that seemed genuine, looking into her eyes and pulling the words out of her.

“In my case, I choose the essays and edit them, lay out the magazine, set the type, print, and bind it.” She grinned at his astounded look. “It’s a pretty big job.”

He shook his head, squinting as the sun appeared from behind a cloud and lighted his eyes. They glowed green behind his blond lashes, reminding Lania of the lake’s waves lightening in the peaks. “Wait, did you say setting type?”

“Yes indeed. I use an old manual printing press that was built in 1872. Her name is Esmeralda because I lurch like Quasimodo when I’m printing.” Lania mimed the motions of loading and removing the paper on each swing of the paper-holding platen against the inked type. Ole laughed, and Lania capitulated to the desire to tell him more. “I touch every bit of each magazine, and I’m completely independent. I set my own deadlines, and I’m the only one who even notices if I miss them. And I get the most amazing submissions, from pop culture analyses to dense interpersonal theories.” Lania wrinkled her nose and tapped the papers in front of her.

“Independence is a different matter when it comes to film. I couldn’t do it without the crew.”

“How many people work on the film with you?”

“Oh, twelve to twenty people on and off, for different things. Most people wear more than one hat, and all of them except Jeremy, my main partner, have other paying jobs. We get some funding, but it’s not like working with a major studio.”

“What’s your plan for the movie?” A breeze blew off the water and Lania’s disordered hair drifted forward around her shoulders. She gathered it and twisted it into a thick rope over one shoulder.

Ole’s eyes followed her motion, his gaze appreciative. “Hopefully major distribution. There are indie theaters across the country that would screen this if I can get the right distribution company involved.”

Lania’s dark brows drew close. “That’s strange. When I think of independent, I mean doing something by myself so that I have complete control. It sounds like you depend on a dozen other people, plus a distribution company. And if other people fund it, you’re dependent on them too, right?”

“When I say independent, I mean without obligation to change the film to satisfy outside interests. Making a film by myself would be impossible. We’re independent as a group, and anybody who wants input on the film in return for monetary support is refused.” He smiled a little. “I guess it’s like how unions combine the individual skills of its members to be independent, as a group, from the bosses.”

Lania frowned. “That’s a different take on the subject than I’ve ever considered. ‘Independent as a group.’ Maybe writing is so solitary that I’ve never been forced to depend on other people like that.”

Ole tipped his head sideways and ran his palm over his short, pale hair. “You’re still looking at my situation as dependent. I feel like there has to be another way of phrasing it.” After a brief pause, he admitted, “I’ll have to do some thinking about that.”

Lania saw the sunlight fade and brighten in Ole’s eyes as a cloud blew across the sun. Analytical conversation fascinated her, but she couldn’t deny that physical attraction provided new seasoning for an otherwise familiar meal.

Ole narrowed his eyes at her, darkening them to emerald. “Independence is a big deal for you. Is that why you refused my help on the dock?”

Lania felt exposed. She shot him a wry smile. “To a certain extent. I’m planning to sail around the world, singlehanded, so I will have to be able to do everything myself.” She relished saying the words aloud for the first time. A panicky thrill made her restless and she tapped her pen on the table.

“By yourself?” Ole’s shock was funny, but not particularly flattering. Not the reaction she’d hoped for. “I’ve done some sailing, but I never considered doing the solo around the world thing.”

“It’s right up my alley.” Lania spoke with a firm conviction that sobered Ole.

“Do you have a boat?”

“Not yet. I’m about to start on that part.” Defensive tension drew her shoulders higher.

“I’m in awe.” He shrugged gracefully. “Best of luck.”

Her brave words suddenly felt like outrageous boasts. She cast about for another subject. “What a day off! A big bike ride and good conversation.” Lightening the mood, she sat back. “Do you ride often?”

Ole nodded toward his bike, looking relieved to feel the tension fade. “That there is my trusty steed. I ride everywhere.”

Lania’s eyebrows lifted. “Me too. I bet I rode farther than you today.” Ole tipped his head back and considered Lania through narrowed eyes. He looked at her bike and then back at her.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna bet?

“What should we bet?”

“Well, if I had the harder ride, you have to come to a party next Friday. It’s a show for local artists at my friend’s loft on the north edge of Georgetown.” Ole’s wicked smile put Lania on guard. “And if you had the harder ride, I’ll fix your flat tire.”

“No!” Lania turned toward the bikes. Just as Ole had said, her back wheel rim was resting on the ground while the tire bulged, flat, on either side. “I hate flat tires!”

“Well, you’d better hope you win, then. I’m not going to fix that if I don’t have to…”

Lania grimaced in Ole’s direction and then smiled with sour humor. “Well, then. Let’s play. You first.”

Ole buffed his fingernails on his shirt. “I rode from Belltown down to the Ferry Terminal, over to Seattle Center, and thence here.”

Lania’s smile grew. “Well, I’m not sure how you want to judge this thing, but here goes. I rode from the CD down Madison to the Ferry Terminal–funny we didn’t see each other there–then to Shilshole via Fremont, back through Fremont, and thence, as you so eloquently put it, here.”

Ole knew he’d been bested and stood, his lean body bowed over the table to look into her eyes. “I’ll get right on that flat.” Lania watched him for signs of resentment or irritation, but Ole just got out his bike tools. “Will you unlock your bike so I can get the wheel off?”

Lania was surprised by his willingness. She removed the lock and flipped the bike over. She started to reach for the quick-lock release for the wheel, but Ole stopped her with a cheeky grin. He reached down and began.

Some minutes later, Ole stood Lania’s bike back on its patched and fully inflated tires. He turned toward her with a satisfied smile on his face and stretched his long body in the fading sunlight.

Lania watched the flattering gold of sunset glisten on his fair skin. She cleared her throat, shaken by her physical response to the sight. “It’s getting late.”

“What time is it?” He looked at his watch. “Shit! I have to go!”

Ole unlocked his bike in a flurry. He spoke over his shoulder as he tossed the lock in his backpack. “I’m late, but I want to see you again. Consider the party even though I lost fair and square?” He got on his bike, already moving. “Call me, okay?”

Lania stood, dumbfounded. She watched the strong, blond figure moving away with increasing speed. “But you didn’t give me your number…”

The Barbarians

Oct 13, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

There is etiquette and the rules. There is also non-verbal communication, the cues that are below conscious interpretation most of the time. If you find yourself studying someone’s posture, expression, hand motions for meaning, for clues about the meaning behind their words, you are looking for the non-verbal communication. For many people, reading these cues is automatic and happens unaware. This happened to you when you realized that your cousin wished you would leave though she invited you to stay for dinner. This happened to you when you said no to a second cup of tea when your hostess offered one, though you didn’t realize that she was actually out of milk.

As we have met more and more people here, I’ve been more and more conscious of my illiteracy. I wander around this country unable to read many of the signs and advertisements. Some of them are in English, but many are in the language of the state. Similarly, I have been more conscious of my non-verbal illiteracy. I am not sure of my reading of people’s cues, the things they say without saying them, the delicate and important business of being honest while protecting their images of themselves as good hosts and nice people. I have had so many things pushed on me with great force: food, drinks, chairs, extra servings. And I’m not fluent enough to know when I please the host by acquiescing and when I displease them. Even more difficult, when I persist in declining the offers (too full for more, tired of sitting, etc), am I making things difficult or easy? I worry about putting people out. When I’m offered chai and I say yes, someone has to go make it. It’s not the fastest process on earth, either…

Imagine a woman in a room of old-fashioned men, who would not dream of sitting while she stands. She walks in, makes everyone’s acquaintance, wanders to stand by the mantelpieces, declines a chair. She doesn’t know that she’s forcing all of these tired men to stand or that she could ask them to please sit. Their corns are hurting, their hips are aching. She will come to recognize that she is making them uncomfortable.

I don’t want to be that person. I wish there was a way to step outside the social faces and get across to someone in all honesty – you will have to tell me exactly what you mean. You will have to say that I can have tea but that you don’t really feel like making it. You will have to tell me that if I continue to sit and chat, that you will ask me to stay to dinner, but that you don’t have enough food for an extra mouth. Or contrariwise that you wish I would take more food because it is a great pleasure to you to feed people until they can hardly roll away from the table. That you want some chai and if I refuse, you will feel rude in leaving me to go make some.

And then there’s the mirror image of that problem. I am, of course, communicating the whole time as well. I have become nervous also about inadvertently insulting someone or otherwise coming across wrong. It has made me think about how careful I am to communicate to my own purposes – verbally and non-verbally. Shaping my behavior to…not to expectations, but to communication. The smiles that mean so much more than “I’m happy”, saying also I feel that you have welcomed me properly, that I am happy to be in your home, that I like your furniture/clothing/hairstyle. The tilting headshake that means no, but also it’s not that I didn’t like it I just don’t want more and don’t put yourself to any bother.

This sojourn among body-languages foreign might help me learn to “be myself” in a way, figuring out which behaviors are mine and which are for expediency’s sake. There is performance of self always, but it is so transparent in these foreign situations that it accidentally becomes an exploration of who I believe myself to be and how I want to relate to people.

  • I am a person who smiles a lot.
  • I am a person who enjoys food and drink.
  • I am a person who loves music.
  • I am a person who likes you.

But what if I don’t like you. Hmm. I haven’t practiced that one much.

As a teenager, I made a list once. It was a list of what I was and what I wasn’t. It was the first time I tried to categorize myself so determinedly. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I started using the phrase “I am the kind of person who…” with any degree of assurance and ease. But I was also in the culture I’d been trained to. I didn’t need to say these things aloud – I could usually express them another way.

Here, I feel like I’m the same person, but I get to reevaluate my behavior to find out how I can express that person best. For example, I will wear clothes that are considered relatively modest. That means something different here than in the US, but I have usually dressed fairly modestly for my surroundings. Another example. I am open to trying new things. In the US, it was pretty easy to be that person – I was rarely left behind by others forging ahead into the unknown. Here I have a different challenge. I am perceived to be foreign. That means that people will assume that everything is new to me. Even if I’ve tried something before and know how I feel about it, I think people will judge my willingness rather than my taste if I refuse something. It is one of the big reasons I want to learn Malayalam. I want to be able to communicate (semi-nonverbally…grin) that I am familiar with this place.

Another example, the barbell in my tongue is quite the rockstar. The tattoo on the back of my neck is also. These are signs to people, signs of who I am, the choices I’ve made. For me, it is accurate communication. It tells a truth. What does it tell people here? It seems to be a part of my foreignness. When I want greater privacy, when I choose non-verbal silence, I can leave my hair down and laugh less boisterously, with my mouth less open.

Yesterday, a man invited us to his house for lunch. James accepted conditionally, explaining that we do not eat meat, so we could eat before we came and just visit. He insisted that it was not a problem, that his wife would cook vegetables for us. When we arrived, we found a Muslim household where the wife who cooked such wonderful food for us did not eat with us. We were served at the dining table by the husband and the two children. She did not want to show her face. Even to me.

I can’t claim to know anything beyond the most basic of things about Muslim beliefs, but I thought that a woman could show herself to other women. In this visit, I was more foreigner than I was female. I had no idea how to make her more comfortable or if I should even try. Did I set myself apart by coming to her house with my head uncovered and eating with her husband along with my own? If I had moved straight into the kitchen and stayed there, would we have had a nice visit of our own? I cannot know. If I knew some Malayalam, I might have tried to spend time with her. Tried to figure out how to make her comfortable, how to give her what she wanted from a guest.

But I might not have. I have never been fond of the social dynamic that splits a group by gender. I feel that there is something expected of me in those situations that I cannot give. Even more with this situation, I don’t think I could have made her comfortable. I would have joined my husband for lunch and she might have felt even more pressure to be immodest, to show herself to him and eat in front of him. Or not. I just don’t know…

We finished everything we were served, though it was more food than I wanted. I think it was the right thing to do. It was the impression I got – that it was my job to eat until it was gone.

Bah, etiquette. I will learn Malayalam. I will tell people, though it may strain their comfort, that I am stupid in their ways and that they must guide me. And I will continue to be myself. I will be myself to myself first. I will communicate myself to other people second. And yes, sometimes I will eat that pickle again, though I know I didn’t like it much the first time. Because of all the things I want people to see are true of me, a desire to be flexible and learn the Keralan ways is the most important.

I Love My Washing Machine

Oct 11, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

No, really.

Here’s how it works.

Put the clothes in the side with the big bin.  Turn the water faucet on.

Once there’s enough water, turn the water off.  Add soap.  Set the timer for the agitator.

When the timer goes off, click over to “Drain” to, you know, drain. Click back and refill.  Reset timer.
When rinsing is complete, move clothes to the other side – the spinner.  Turn on that timer and hold onto the thing while it bumps a few times until it evens out.

Put the clean, semi-dry laundry on the clothesline on the roof.

It’s pretty satisfying, actually.  I was dubious while shopping, but I’m glad we didn’t pay double for a fully automatic version.  We’re cleaner and better smelling than we have been since we arrived! I’ll have James take a picture…

DJ Schlomotion

Oct 09, 2008 in James' Fiction

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Schlomotion sits at the radio console and stares at the soft amber glow of the instrumentation his thick brow is furrowed in concentration and the anger is welling inside.

The song, She brings the Rain by Can is quickly coming to an end, it ends and yet he stares emptily into the dead air as if the aether was somehow speaking to him in a soundless language that only he could understand. The silence drives a painful stake into the dark studio.

The mic is live and through the crackling silence you can hear Schlomotion lick his cracked, bloody dry lips.

Finally, “I can see you.”

Then again, a stunning silence with the occasional pop and crack of the signal as it bounces from one solid structure to another.

“You think I can’t see you but I can see you, you and your lover, you are both lying side by side, naked, panting. I can see your breath, you bitch, you fucking bitch.”

Schlomotion’s heavy Israeli accent, grated to shreds by nicotine and crystal meth bites off the i-n-g and the t-c-h as if it was cut from his tongue, he goes on, “You will pay, yes you both will pay. I will teach you, you fucking cunt, I will teach you, you will pay.”

Presently my pager massages my thigh with my invariable conscientiousness. I lamely excuse myself from the table, drop the quarter with a sigh and a slight “g-by” dial, wait.

“Phelch?”

“Yeah. Dave?”

“Yeah, are you listening?”

“No, I’m eating, what’s up?”

“Where?”

“Snatch and I are at Mini’s why?”

“Which one?”

“Belltown, why, what’s up?”

“Dude, Schlomotion has totally lost his shit and he’s airing his dirty laundry, you better get to a radio quick!”

“Who gives a fuck? If the dude wants to bitch about his fucked up life I know very few people more qualified then Schlomotion.”

“Phelch listen to me, this is different, just do me a favor and get to a radio and tune it in!” Click, silence.

I made my way back to my cold food and cooling girlfriend. “Hospital Dave.”

“Of course, what’s up?” Snatch said not looking up from her pasta.

“He said Schlomotion was freaking out on the air.” I said and yelled over to my friend Don behind the bar. “Hey Don, can we listen to FUCC for a few minutes, I just heard we’re in for quite a show.”

“Sure thing Phelch.” Don said and went over to the radio receiver under the bar. The sound of tuning down to the left side of an F.M. dial runs the gauntlet of frequencies and monosyllabic expletives, stops on…

“… I will cut your dripping cunt out of your body and feed it to your skinless lover before your dying eyes!” Click, and Don says, “Whoa Phelch, I’m a big fan and all but I think that’s a bit much for dinner time!” A shocked staring silence directed at me comes from the packed restaurant around me.

“Yeah umm, I’m sorry about that Don.” I said getting up wiping my face and reaching for my wallet.

“I’ll pay when I’m done; you go get that asshole off the air if you can, I’ll run over to their flat and check on Deloris, call me.” Snatch said toasting me with a glass of water and a blown kiss good-by.

I first met Schlomo Rabinowitz the II and his beautiful wife Deloris after the second Tchkung show at the Weathered Wall’s Tuesday night “Surrealists Magic Theatre”. The two of them approached me after the show and asked me and Snatch if we’d like to come over to their place for some after show refreshments. Snatch and I both fell instantly in love with these two shockingly beautiful people, Schlomo with his black un-wavering stare and thick long multi colored hair and Deloris with her easy touch, ample smile and striking white/blue eyes it seemed as though they were made for each other or as if they were each other.

We told them up front that we had at least an hours worth of unloading to do and they just looked at each other, smiled and said, “Great, the later the better maybe we’ll catch the sunrise through the clouds on our rooftop!” and at that point I just knew that this would be a truly profound friendship.

They lived in a 2,600 square foot studio located at the corner of 1st and Bell streets in the very heart of Belltown, a place that not only would I come to love but would ultimately become my home after Tchkung’s second tour of the Americas later in that same decade. That night after a particularly grueling un-loading session Snatch and I finally went back down to 1st and Bell to Schlomo and Deloris’ place for the most beautifully laid out snack tray that either one of us had ever seen. Deloris had prepared a silver Moroccan platter about the size of a turkey tray with an incredible array of fruits and vegetables, lemon tahini, Hummus and a cucumber raita that was to die for along with four different kinds of bread and crackers. None of us had eaten in many hours so it took no time at all to turn Deloris’s hard work into minute particles of detritus. Shortly there after Schlomo had painstakingly prepared some Turkish coffee that lit us all up like the fourth of July. After about an hour of non-stop jabbering Deloris set to combing Snatches long pink locks so Schlomo and I climbed the fire escape on the side of their building and went up to their roof to smoke a splif that he had been saving all night. As we smoked he told me how he and Deloris had been watching Snatch and I all night and that they had come to the conclusion that two of us were the heart and sole of that band and that he knew after the first few minutes of watching our performance that him and I would become brothers. I was deeply moved by his openness and fucked up off my ass on caffeine, marijuana and a post-performance-rush that is truly impossible to explain so the only response I could muster was a permanently Jamaican grin and a few monosyllabic grunts. After a very long thoughtful silence between us as we looked out over our dark wet city the clouds became that predawn deep purple and Schlomo told me a story that would haunt me to this day, a story that he swore that he’d never told anyone but his trusted partner Deloris and for reasons that he hoped I’d understand must remain between the two of us.

…It went something like this:

Schlomo Rabinowitz II started his military career as a private, sign painter in the Israeli infantry for his compulsory 2 years service to his country after high school. Even though his lines were straight and his calligraphy was perfect he was quickly moved through the ranks for two very important reasons 1) he was an extraordinary shot with a rifle and 2) his father Schlomo Rabinowitz Sr. was one of the helicopter pilots at the famed “Raid on Antebbi”, where the Israeli army freed 22 Jewish hostages and killed 19 Lebanese Freedom Fighters without one fatality on their side. That was the military maneuver that put the Israeli armed forces on the “world power” map. Two years after the Raid on Antebbi Schlomo the first was killed in a fire fight on the Gaza Strip when an RPG struck his aircraft killing him and the 25 innocent bystanders standing directly under his helicopter instantly. He was the first of the Antebbi Raiders to die in action so the Israeli government made a big stink out of his death proclaiming him a national hero with his own day named after him and all that crap. The 25 innocent bystanders got jack-shit.

Schlomo Jr. was 6 years old when Schlomo 1 died and had long since forgotten every single detail of the man so by the time he was 19 when he himself entered the Israeli Black Force an elite unit of hand-to-hand assassins that was a “governmentally deniable” off-shoot of the Israeli special forces known as Hamas. The Black Force worked predominantly under cover of night, hence the name and had some of the most extensive hand-to-hand combat training known to man. By the time he was 21 Schlomo II had killed 16 men with his bare hands and 10 more from incredible distances with a rifle. Much to the delight of his superiors Schlomo Jr. was proving to be a natural born killer just like dear ‘ol dad but on a much more intimate level. Just after his 22 birthday and his 26th murder Schlomo the II signed up for two more years in the Black Force and took a well deserved month long liberty leave to the Island of Isola Asinara. Soon thereafter Schlomotion would discover two very important things about himself; two things that would in fact define the rest of his natural life. 1) He truly loved LSD and 2) he was an incredible artist with a paint brush. For four long weeks Schlomo tripped acid, swam naked in the warm Mediterranean Sea, painted on canvas and fell deeply, madly in love with a beautiful young woman from a little town on the west coast of the Americas called Belltown, her name was Deloris.

Deloris was undeniably the most beautiful thing that Schlomo had ever put his eyes on. After so many years of hatred and death Deloris’ powerfully hypnotizing eyes, gracious easy-going smile, long flowing golden hair and perfectly proportioned, drop-dead 17 year old body was in direct contrast to the grisly ghosts stacking up around his conscience. Deloris was not only breathtakingly beautiful she was also highly intelligent with a keen sense of abstract mathematics and longed to travel the world so by the time she’d laid eyes on Schlomo’s militarily sculpted body and hard good looks she was well past ready to leave Isola Asinara.

Although Deloris was born in Belltown she was raised on a very strange international proto-hippy commune on that tiny Island just North of Sardinia in the Mediterranean Sea. The commune was called Creation and Deloris’ grandparents and their siblings were the original founders of Creation. They had claimed the land for the commune on Isola Asinara (Italian for Donkey Inhabited Island) just after WWII in 1946’s zoning of Italy and never paid for it, not one single lira, ever. To this day the residents of Creation hold true to their original philosophy that procreation was their god’s gift to all of them and it was the responsibility of the entire community to raise and teach the offspring of the community. They made all of their own electricity using as many alternative means as possible, composted all of their waste, grew and raised all of their own food which was all very cool but according to Deloris, they were also hyper-conservative patriarchal religious fuck-heads and that ultimately drove Deloris into running away to London with an angry young man by the name of Schlomo Rabinowitz II and opening up a highly successful Falafel stand in Piccadilly Circus.

Schlomo viewed the acid that he took every three days or so on his holiday on Isola Asinara as a beautiful doorway leading directly into Deloris’ arms and a powerful connection to the canvases now piling up around his physical self. When Schlomotion told me that the first time he’d dropped he actually felt as though they had made that drug just for him I couldn’t help but smile. So after so many years of causing so much pain to so many people Schlomo had truly discovered himself as a prolific artist and an illicit drug user of the highest order. His work in oil on canvas was beautiful on so many painful levels that it was almost impossible to look at any one of his Isola Asinara paintings for more a few seconds. His use of deep swirling blood reds and its ultimate contrast, black, was as startling as the tragic subject matter that was dimly alluded to with his choice of colors. Schlomotion was the quintessential artist; born of the pain and suffering of the lives that he had taken with his own bloodied hands and the acid was the secondary medium for his confessions. Before he left Isola Asinara Schlomotion had completed 26 works of art, one for each mother he had saddened.

The one thing in Schlomo’s new art driven life that had carried over from his past was the music that deeply moved and inspired him. When Schlomo Sr. died the only thing that Schlomo II received from Schlomo 1’s sprawling estate was a vinyl collection that would shock even the most hard core of FUCC’s DJ’s. 8,000 12 inch, 10 inch and 7 inch vinyl discs spanning the years and genres of the medium from an original thick wax pressing of Orson Wells’ War of the Worlds to every single note that Charley Parker ever blew for Blue Note, from Harpo Marxs’ Rac-6 to Spike Jones’ Dance with der Furor, from Charlton Heston’s 1962 (abridged) reading of Genesis and Exodus to Abby Hoffman’s (un-abridged) diatribe against the Vietnam war at the Lincoln Memorial in 1969. Schlomo loved each and every one of the records in his fathers collection but the music that truly stirred him were the works of the ambiguous psychedelic masters of the early ‘60’s to the late ‘70’s. Bands spanning that influential genre from its primordial beginnings with The Deep, Hawkwind, Moby Grape and Radio Luxembourg through the more abstract and musically profound projects such as Art Lab, Country Joe and the Fish and yes, even Syd Barrett’s Pink Floyd. He wasn’t only into the Americans and Europeans though, he also loved the early Australians and Kiwi’s such as the Easy Beats, the Nuggets and Lenny Key. The bands that stimulated and truly inspired Schlomotion’s artwork though were all the incredible musicians that came out of the Canterbury Tour Scene of England’s early to late ‘70’s. Prominent musicians such as Arthur Brown, Robert Wyatt and Schlomo’s good friend Kevin Ayers as well as all the different bands that also came out of that little known (in the U.S. but huge in England) scene such as Arzachel, Egg, Hatfield and the North, Kahn, National Health, Matching Mole, Soft Machine and of course Schlomotion’s all time favorites Gong and Can. Schlomotion was another man that knew the most essential thing in the world; you keep your vinyl in alphabetical order, by genre and protected from the elements, always! By the time I met him Schlomotion had paintings of themes taken from almost every single song by Gong and Can and the over 400 vivid canvases were all over his giant Belltown flat ranging in size from 2 inches by 2 inches to 6 feet by 8 feet.

By the end of his month in paradise Schlomo had devised a brilliant plan for escaping the new two year contract that he had signed with the Black Force just before his life changing liberty leave to Isola Asinara, a plan that would in fact seal his fate and ultimately alienate him from his family as well as his country.

As the sun came up on that rainy Belltown morning Schlomotion continued his story by telling me about his first contract upon his return to Israel and I couldn’t help but listen in rapt silence.

The contract was a highly elusive Jordanian bomb maker/Palestinian sympathizer that was making allot of sad mothers himself near the border of the Gaza Strip. Schlomo was contracted to make this man disappear, which was the only contract he ever received. He was to find him, kill him, dismember his body and dispose of the pieces where no one would ever find them with the exception of the left pinky, that was usually sent to either the Mother of, or the Commanding officer (if he or she was military) of the victim to confirm the kill.

Schlomo told me that his all time favorite method of taking a life was a single long-knife insertion at a downward angle at the top of the left pectoral muscle severing the aorta from the heart of his victim, that way most of the bleeding was internal within the chest cavity and the job was completed in about 6 seconds. He showed me where the insertion was made with his thumb on my chest and a cold chill went up my spine.

Schlomo had a few favorite places of disposal but his usual was a high volume plastics incinerator located by a kibbutz just outside of the town of Tiberius, the city of his birth.

The contract, popularly known as The Cap was in every sense a despicable man. He was the son of a rich oil magnate and studied chemistry at Cornell University in the U.S. before his career as an anonymous killer. The Cap seemed to make his designer-bombs for fun rather than for money or politics and to the few people that knew him he seemed to take a lot of pride in the stylish way he built his explosives. Also, with his decadent life style of fancy chauffeured cars and expensive meals Schlomo knew that this was not going to be hard man to find. The limited dossier that Schlomo had received on The Cap prior to his return to Israel had only one bit of information of interest to the Black Force assassin and that was; The Cap was the exact same height and weight as Schlomo, down to the gram.

In fact, The Cap turned out to be an extremely easy man to find. Like the arrogant dumb-shit that he was he ate dinner every night at the same place, an elite little restaurant by the name of Café Zatar right on the beach in the Gaza Strip and he was always surrounded by a group of 6 very large well trained body guards.

Using the name of a local caterer known as Mohamed Salim Schlomo crossed the border into Gaza in a small delivery van and broke in to Café Zatar at 5am on the second day after his arrival in Israel and just 26 hours after his briefing on The Cap. He hid himself over the tiles in the ceiling of the men’s restroom just over the main entrance and waited there until The Cap came in to take his nightly dump at about 8:00pm, 13 painfully still hours after Schlomo’s arrival at the café. When he needed to shit The Cap would come in to the restroom after the room was secured by one body guard and was followed in by a second, the two body guards would stoically wait shoulder-to-shoulder about 3 feet in from of the door on the inside of the restroom while the The Cap was stinking up the place.

As The Cap shuffled into his stall Schlomo slipped from the ceiling behind the two body guards, broke the neck of one and severed the aorta of the other with his trusty long-knife in one smooth, completely silent movement. After silently arranging the bodies of his two new victims Schlomo set up a plastique charge under the body of the body guard with the severed aorta to go off when the restroom door was opened next. When The Cap exited the toilet stall 2 minutes and 45 seconds later his own aorta was severed and the wound covered and sealed before he could call out or even drip one drop of blood on the restroom tiles, dead in about 6 seconds flat. His body was hauled up into the ceiling, out the back of the café, into the delivery van and driving away 4 minutes before the next body guard entered the restroom blowing up the back half of Café Zatar killing that body guard and 4 innocent coffee drinkers that were passionately engaged in a very disturbing conversation about the current state of affairs between Israel and Palestine. By that time Schlomo was well on his way back to Black Force headquarters.

Before reaching headquarters Schlomo stopped his little van, pulled out his victims’ body, undressed the cadaver and proceeded to beat the shit out of it. He beat the corpse’s head so badly that 3 of the teeth came out, the jaw was broken in 2 places, the cheek bones crushed and the skull was shattered. He whacked off the left pinky finger just below the first knuckle of the beaten corpse. In the pockets of The dead Cap he put a razor sharp switch blade, a small sewing kit, a tiny flash light, an English Passport belonging to one Hiram Levi, a box of matches, a roll of duct tape and a remote control for the 4 pounds of C-4 explosives lining the interior of his delivery van. To the chest of his victim he taped 12,000 British Pounds-Sterling and a Glock 40mm semi-automatic pistol, the weapon of choice for the PLO. And finally up the freshly evacuated ass of the dead man Schlomotion shoved a two liter plastic bottle full of petrol. Schlomo put the teeth and the chunk of pinky from The Cap in a small plastic zip-lock baggie, put the baggie in the right breast pocket of The Cap’s shirt, redressed the freshly beaten dead man and continued his journey back to headquarters.

“Whoa, slow down there brush fire!” I said standing in the cold rain shivering my ass off that morning on the roof of Schlomotions building, “Dude, how in the hell do you get a full two liter bottle of anything up a man’s ass?!”

“My friend, this is not a problem when the man is dead and he just took a shit, remember his sphincters are no longer working, no.” Schlomo replied and busted up laughing. He suddenly stopped his hysterical laughter, reached over to my face and closed my gaping jaw and stoically continued his tale.

Once he was back at Black Force headquarters Schlomo parked the van directly against the back of the building on the van’s right side and entered the headquarters offices from the roof access fire escape with the dead body of The Cap draped over his shoulders like a cape with the dead mans wrists and elbows duct taped together in the front, he stashed the body in a rubbish container located on the top floor of the headquarters building just above the brig in the stairwell. He put a lock-pick set between his cheek and gum and went in to his commanding officer’s office.

The conversation between Schlomo and his commanding officer went something like this:

“What happened? Why are you here?”

“They made me and the contract escaped, I had to blow the building just to get away!”

“What!? You fucking asshole, why did come back here? This is a secure facility and you most likely just blew that as well!”

“I didn’t know what else to do; you have to get me out of the country, I am certain they will be coming for me!”

“What, I don’t have to do anything, this is your fuck up, and now you have to deal with it!”

“You will arrange for my safe passage out of this country or you will not leave this office alive.”

“Fuck you, you sniveling little insubordinate shit, you dug this hole now you have to lie in it!”

“I’m afraid that is not an option.” Schlomotion very calmly replied and proceeded to beat the living shit out of his commanding officer right there in the mans own office but not before letting him trip his personal alarm system.

Schlomo allowed 6 MP’s (not enough really) to subdue him, beat him up a little bit, strip him down to his underwear and throw him into the on site brig.

Once in his cell Schlomo, the assassin, the son of Schlomo the hero pilot went to work. He silently picked the lock of the cell, snapped the neck of the guard in front of the door dragging him inside of the cell. He went to the end of the hall picked another lock and killed another guard stashing that body under a desk at the end of the hall. Schlomo made his way up the stairwell to the dustbin at the top of the stairs. He pulled the dead body of The Cap out of the rubbish bin draped it over his shoulders again and made his way back to his cell. Once inside the cell Schlomo pulled all of the dead mans clothes off and put them on the cot along with the 12,000 British Pounds-Sterling and the Glock 40. He pulled out the switch blade, dug out 3 of his own teeth, the same three that had been broken out of The Caps dead face and lopped off the tip of his left pinky just below the first knuckle and placed his pinky tip in its own zip-lock baggie.

On the roof of his Belltown flat Schlomotion opened his mouth showing me his three missing teeth and held up his left hand exhibiting his distinct lack of pinky tip, smiled and continued.

Schlomo spread a generous amount of his own blood around the cell, put his boxer shorts on the dead body of The Cap, threw his three teeth on the floor, pulled the bottle of petrol out of the dead man’s ass and doused the body with it. Schlomo washed his face in the tiny sink and carefully duct-tapped his severed pinky. He dressed in The dead Caps clothing putting the baggie with his pinky tip in the left breast pocket of the shirt. He then took the switch blade and cut the seam at the top of the feather pillow, emptied the contents of the pillow on to the dead man’s body and stuffed the empty pillow full of the cash. After he was cleaned and dressed in The Caps very nice shirt, pants and shoes he took the remote control out of his pocket and blew up the entire first floor of the Black Force headquarters. After the building stopped shaking Schlomo II lit the body of The Cap on fire, slung the pillowcase full of money over his shoulder and escaped a second time from the building leaving all the doors open and dropping the Glock-40 on his way out.

Because of the fact that Schlomo’s commanding officer was taken away in an ambulance Schlomo felt compelled to hot wire the man’s beautiful new BMW 323-I Bavaria. He drove to a little place he knew just outside of a Kibbutz by the little town of Tiberius, the city of his birth.

Illuminated by the hellish light of a high powered plastics incinerator Schlomo’s goateed ashen face took on the distant appearance of a long forgotten Pan. The bloody sewing kit was in pieces strewn around him. He reached into the right breast pocket of his new shirt, took out the zip-lock baggie that had three teeth and the tip of a pinky finger in it and threw it into the pyre. He reached into his left breast pocket took out the zip-lock baggie that had his own finger tip in it, put the baggie in an envelope that was addressed to his mother and sealed the envelope. He took four capsules of high powered, militarized meth-amphetamine and drove off into the night stopping only at a mailbox along the way.

Two years after his escape from Israel Schlomotion and Deloris took the proceeds from the sale of their highly successful restaurant in London to move back to her home town of Belltown on the North West coast of North America, soon there after Schlomotion had his first art show at the Weathered Wall where he managed to sell all 26 of his original Isola Asinara collection but for some reason the only piece that he didn’t sell at that show was a tiny 2 in by 2 inch painting of the severed bloody tip of a finger, the name of that piece was simply, The Cap.

“… I will eat his tongue in front of him but I will not kill him, I want him to live as long as possible.”

“Schlomotion you fucking asshole, what makes you think that anyone listing to the radio right now gives a shit about your completely insubstantial suspicions about your wife?”

Without turning off the mic Schlomotion turned to look at me standing in the door of studio 1 and said, “Get out of here Phelch Dunderhead, you have no right to censor my radio program.”

“Censor you? I’m not trying to censor you my friend, I’m simply trying to save you from the inevitable embarrassment that you will suffer when you find out that not only is your wife not cheating on you but for reasons I will never understand she desperately wants you to come home to her loving arms when you’re finished making a fool out of yourself on the radio! Censor you, what the fuck is wrong with you? On the contrary, turn that fucking mic up I want everyone to hear this, there is no one at your flat right now with the exception of Deloris who loves you more than I thought was humanly possible and Snatch, who doesn’t like you very much at all right now! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” I said, full-on screaming into his deathly calm face. “I can’t believe you would have the audacity to turn this incredible outlet for free speech, this radio station, the one that you even helped build, into an outlet for your unsubstantiated hatred! After all that we’ve been through, how can you trivialize all of that work with your hateful language, fuck you, you inconsiderate asshole!”

“I saw his car parked in front of my house.” Schlomotion replied in a tired, subdued voice with his head hung looking at the floor.

“No, you’re wrong, it must’ve been somebody else’s car! Listen to me, she loves you my friend and she’s going to have your son so you need to stop trying to kill yourself for the sins of your past and move on to a beautiful future with your family. Please, just go home to Deloris, she’s waiting for you.”

Schlomotion stood up and dropped the live microphone in the DJ chair and leaned into me whispering with an icy smile, “My friend, you are a very brave man.” And he left the studio picking up his records on his way out, never to return.

“…You’re listening to 89.1fm FUCC.”

A Sunday Travelogue

Oct 05, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

Today we went to the beach. Name of the beach? Hmm. I just don’t know.

We decided to just head out and try to find it. Looking at the google satellite view of the area (a while back), I thought there seemed to be a relatively straightforward route. But the roads that the maps choose to mark don’t necessarily look any different from other roads. Like in Seattle – sometimes a road will be marked Arterial, which I would think means it’s a more major road than the others around it. But you can’t always tell the difference without the little signs.

Here there are no signs. James and I both thought we remembered a through road that left from the school, so we turned left out of the lane and then left again after the school. We found the first thing we were looking for deep in the neighborhood lanes – a chai wallah. Yay! Deliciously caffeinated, we set off again.

We felt safe just wandering because there’s a major river that meets the sea just south of us. If we crossed any good-sized bridges, we had gone too far! Well, we meandered for quite some time before suddenly realizing that we were paralleling the water. James turned off at the next opportunity so that we could take a look from the edge and figure out what part of coast we were on.

What a reception we got! Boys poured out of every building around. Little boys, big boys. Boys who thought they were men and boys who hadn’t started thinking about that yet. They all said hello and all shook our hands. A few even had decent shakes!

Just so happens that we turned into a little fishing community with a…yes…a christian church. Denomination? Um, I have no idea, but there was a glowing picture of a white Jesus and a cross on top of the building. Everyone automatically assumed we were christian as well. When we said no, it didn’t compute – I could tell that the kid in charge (the one quickest to try out his english) thought he was misunderstanding us or that we were misunderstanding the situation. Oh well…

The little boys wanted “school pens”, but I’ve been going on the give-nothing rule and had no pens for them. For the first time, I wished that I did. It didn’t seem like a random “see what I can get from the rich white people” kind of request, though it was said kind of reflexively. I got the impression that it was about all they ever said in english, but I also got the impression that there was a lack of pens. A couple of the boys had sunday school books and they really looked like they needed pens to write in them! Maybe I was just feeling especially susceptible today…I don’t know…

James amused the small ones by letting them try on his sunglasses and getting them to make badass faces. Their “mean” looks were great – mostly cute with a couple of bullies that were too good at it. Heh.

While James and the little boys played around, I talked to the older boys. They were very indulgent with the little ones, laughing at their funny faces and telling me that James was a good man for playing with them. They asked me all kinds of questions about where I was from, why I was here, etc, etc. I admitted that I knew no Malayalam and, once again, was nicely, politely, curiously (though it felt accusing to me) asked why I came to a place where Malayalam was spoken but didn’t make any effort to learn. I’m sure I blushed. I tried to redeem myself by telling them that we went to the north part of India first and that I had learned a little Hindi in order to get by up there. But that we liked Trivandrum better and so now I have some Hindi in an area that speaks no Hindi, by conscious, stubborn design.

In the language wars of India, the southern parts that speak Malayalam and Tamil (and others I’m sure) fight the assumed hegemony of Hindi by pushing for English as the officially recognized second language of every state, leaving each state their own language as first. They would rather (and I see their point) learn their own language at home then English at school to aid them in business, law, and general communication since it’s more international than Hindi. The people pushing Hindi are usually native Hindi speakers who claim they want to get rid of the last major vestige of British rule.

Anyway, speaking Hindi wins me no points here, and I don’t actually speak it anyway. Just a tiny bit.

So after a little while, I decided I wanted to leave. I did get some good information out of the guys – we were about halfway between Valiyathura and Kovalam…What?!? I thought Kovalam was farther away!

And it is, by road. On the water, you can see one from the other – hardly any distance at all. But we could also see that we hadn’t yet passed the river, and that’s where we were headed.

After a bunch more slow riding through narrow lanes, staying along the water, we reached a place from which we could see the narrow strip of land that separated the sea from one fork of the river. The river splits in two just before the sea, going around a piece of land and turning it into an island – though there are places from which you can walk one side to another. We could see the peninsula formed by this river and the sea, but there were houses and a bunch of guys staring at us. We figured we could probably walk there from where we were, but it didn’t feel quite comfortable.

So we backtracked, taking a different fork in the road when we got back to a three-way “intersection”. I put that in quotes only because, while it fits the official definition of the word just fine, it’s not what I imagine you imagining when you hear it…

Well, we crossed the river. I started feeling a bit cross because we seemed to make so many trips to the water without actually getting to swim.

Very soon, we saw a large bridge. It was a steep upsidedown U, though the river was not very wide. We stopped across from it and discussed it for a moment. Sure, it goes to the island. Sure, it looks like it can hold a motorcycle. I pantomimed “can we go across” to an old man sitting with a bicycle next to the bridge and he waved us on. Okay then – over we go!

There was a miniature town just on the other side – a couple of stores and some people milling about – and then just homes, palm trees, and fern-like shrubbery. Oh – now bananas and coconuts, mangoes and jackfruit…

We drove slowly for a while, but the bike was heating up (air-cooled) and we were both itching to explore. We pulled off the road into a bit of a hidden parking area. Sure enough – it was too good to be made up by us…because there were a few logs creating steps up the small hill and then a shrine of some sort. A couple more flat rocks with circles of flowers on them and we began to get the picture. In a country of cremation, we’d stumbled into a cemetery.

Weird.

And of course, people often have a “thing” about their dead. So how likely were we to insult someone by walking through to the…is that?…yes…a gorgeous, palm-shaded, blue-watered beach!

We did it. We walked through the graveyard and over a very strange palm walkway to the beach. I guess it is only an island during monsoon. Today, we had an easy walk across a hummock of land created by topsoil conserving qualities in the root structures of a line of palm trees.

I wandered south, trying to avoid the areas where there were a bunch of people. I was a bit shy of disrobing to swim among a bunch of fisherman – it’s not their way for women to get so exposed in public. When women do swim in the sea, they often do so in their saris…which I just can’t imagine.

James, however, walked right out there and quickly became the focus for a magically growing group of young men – ages 17 to 24, we were to find out – who were all fishermen. They told him about the difficulty of catching fish when the big ships come close to shore and sweep huge numbers from the water. They told him that they were forced to fish closer to land and that the fish they catch are small and hard to sell. And of course, though they didn’t say this, the more they catch them when they’re small, the fewer fish are left to grow older and repopulate the deeper areas.

Sigh.

But once I gave up and joined the boys, we had only talked a little while when the group’s unofficial leader asked us if we wanted to swim. We, of course, said yes, and I figured that this group of guys wasn’t going to be offended by my one-piece swimsuited body. So we stripped along with the leader and another guy and went for a swim.

Wow – those waves were powerful! They didn’t look that big on the shore, and they didn’t look that big when they were on me, but damn, did they shove me around!

The guys lured us out beyond the breakers and it was so lovely out there, bobbing in the super-buoyant salt water. I just waited a minute for the relaxation to set it, then I looked around. James wasn’t nearby, and I could see that he was still in the surf. By the time he got out to us, he was saying that he needed sunscreen and I groaned. Oh man – the fishers had distracted me and neither James nor I had any sunscreen on whatsoever. It’s a sure and painful burn that results from saltwater + sunshine, so we slogged our way back out of the water and slathered on the sunscreen and stood for a few minutes giving the stuff time to dry into our skin a bit before going back out.

We only ended up swimming for a very short period of time, but it felt great.

Getting dressed again was an athletic exercise in modesty. I went behind a fishing boat, but the guys didn’t get the point that I wanted privacy. I did the arms out, shirt on, suit to waist, wrap around waist, suit off, dry under wrap, pants on, wrap off routine. But with a salwar kameez, it’s much easier than with jeans…

The only thing I couldn’t get on subtly was my bra, so I squeezed with my elbows every time we went over a bump from there on – and these are Indian roads we’re talking about…

That left us hungry and thirsty, and we wandered the coastal roads for another 15 or 20 minutes before we found a hotel. Meaning a place that serves food, not a place that rents bedrooms. It’s a thing. I don’t know why, though I think it’s probably a British remnant.

We stopped at a random place, walked in and sat, poured ourselves water from the pitcher on the table, and proceeded to have our usual conversation. Meal, veg only. No, no chicken, no mutton. Veg only. Yes, veg. Great!

And it was. We ate a ton, the two men running the place refilling James on the rice, dal, vegetable curry, and lemon pickle and refilling me on the vegetable curry before I could signal no-thanks. I didn’t eat all my food, but James did! It was a total of 60 rupees (or about $1.30) and did I ever enjoy it!

After that, we just headed home. Of course, that was exciting too, because we surely couldn’t have retraced our route. We headed off the direction I suspected we should go and just winged it. We went farther east than the house so that when we got on Kovalam Road, we had to come back a short ways, but hey – I think we’re going great!

Loving it. Oh yeah.

And on a side note – James had done a bunch more writing (he’s writing now or I’d ask him how many pages he has) and so have I. I’ve added another six pages by putting a little here and a little there to fix it up…

I’m so happy!

We’re going to head to Anandalakshmy because we don’t have internet at the house yet. We’ll go over there about 7pm, since that’s when the power goes out (for a half hour). Next week it’ll be 7:30, then 8pm…that reminds me – we need to get a lantern!

No Home for Sailors

Oct 05, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

India is a short-term home for me.

I feel more at home all the time. It’s not my country, of course, and it’s obvious at a glance that we’re foreigners. Though I know that my whiteness will never go away, as we frequent the same restaurant and shops, people become inured to us. It’s getting more comfortable. I’m glad I lived in Hawaii first, because there’s stuff about geckos and cockroaches that I experienced in Hawaii that India can’t touch (or just hasn’t yet). I’m not scared of this place – haven’t been – but I can see where some people would have a harder time.

Still, I do not picture myself extending my visa indefinitely or seeking citizenship. And it has nothing to do with the people, the government, the land…

I had the abrupt and slightly sad realization that India would not be my final home in Jew Town, Cochi. We were staying in Ernakulam and we’d taken a ferry over to Cochi. We walked around for a while but weren’t impressed by the hawkers and pushy autorickshaw drivers. We took a rickshaw, though, from Cochi to Mattancherry to see the palace. Underwhelmed by the palace (where, admittedly, they were working on the displays), we decided just to go back to the room and shower again (and again, and again).

We walked from the palace toward the water and got caught up in the Jew Town bazaar. So many spices, so much perfume…the smell changed by small degrees every step we took and each change was just more to love. It didn’t look like much on a weekend, but it had such olifactory presence that we didn’t feel we were missing anything.

As we walked along, we came to a sign. On our right was the Malabar Yacht Club. We goggled at the sign for only a moment before pushing open the gate, feeling as though it was the gate to our real home…

And beyond that gate? Two sailboats and a powerboat on the hard and one sailboat on a rickety pier.

I deflated. Not just a sigh. Not just a minor disappointment.

Cochi was supposed to be the only real boat harbor south of Mumbai, but where, oh where were the boats? If this was the main port for sailors on this coast…oh sadness!

I followed James out to greedily look over the boats, to salve my eyes on the sheets, the shrouds, the masts and booms and rudders and…and…and…

And it wasn’t enough. If this is the best that India has to offer a sailor, I’m sorry, but I’m a short-termer here.

I’m dedicated to getting these books finished and we’ve invested everything we have into this trip so that we’ll be sure to produce. But the long-term plan is, has always been, to get back on the water. To get enough money or to find a ridiculously good deal or to just take a boat someone can’t maintain anymore. But definitely, always, to be sailors.

We are sailors. Don’t doubt that just because we are currently boatless. I know this about myself, and if there is something strange about a sailor who sells her boat, not knowing where/when/how the next one will come…well, just know that I believe in my own abilities to make things happen.

But not here. And that makes me sad. I’ve been so pleased with India. There was a scrap of an idea, an idea of sailing the Med and the Indian Ocean and the Pacific from a base in India. But India is not a sailor’s paradise.

So I’ll get everything I can from this year and when I leave, I’ll do it knowing that I probably won’t be back. If I do come back, it probably won’t be to live. And if I do live here, I’d better be rich, because the only real marina is in Mumbai and I have no idea what it takes to get in there!

I’m so glad we’re here now. This could be the last time in my life that I travel significant distances on land. It makes me think…where else can’t I sail to?

If you want to know exactly where we live…

Oct 03, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

Here’s a google map on our exact coordinates:

To Work!

Oct 03, 2008 in Dena's Blog Posts, India

We’ve begun our work. Yesterday, for the first time, James and I sat down at our desks in our shared office and we worked on our books. James produced several pages of new work and I did a careful read of the first 80-some pages of Blue Water Dreams. I also made notes on a bunch of the things I want to add to give the book depth.

I started this book at the most shallow of levels, and I’ve been struggling ever since. In order to give myself a structure and some plain goals, I made an outline of the elements of a good romantic novel. I then took those elements and made an outline of my story as it fits the elements, calling each major element a chapter. Next, I wrote a one-page abstract of all of the things that would happen in each chapter.

At that point, I had a map. All of this was in a notebook, handwritten, and I decided that I could simply write the book from the beginning by moving from page to page through the abstract.

Whoa.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. It started the way I had intended. I wrote 23 single-spaced pages on June 7, 2005. But then I didn’t write much more for a long time. I edited those pages until January, only adding another dozen pages in all that time. By March of 2006, I still only had 50 pages. In April, I reached 85. And more than a year later, on July 8, 2006, I broke 100 pages and finished the story. What? A hundred pages long? That’s not a book!

Of course, in that time I also got a promotion at work that meant I worked long hours, sailed all around the San Francisco Bay, and prepared for our long, wonderous sail from San Francisco to Hilo, Hawaii. Mostly, I worked at Babeland and worked on getting the boat ready. I couldn’t give the book the attention it deserved and that I wanted to give it. At that point in my life, I wanted to sail to Hawaii more than I wanted the book done. I got what I wanted most, but then there was the book…

In Hawaii, James got a killer job and I settled into being a kept woman. From November 11, 2006 to June of 2007, I edited and wrote. As I fleshed out the main and auxilliary characters, the book swelled to 384 pages. I printed versions and went line by line through them. I got an amazing critique from James’ friend from way-back, Ann Pai, and that changed the structure of my story quite a bit. Thanks, Ann! She started me on the process of getting rid of the genre-fiction limitations on the book.

From then, we moved from the Island of Hawaii to Honolulu on Oahu. Suddenly, life was harder and more demanding again. I didn’t work on the book for a very long time. Literally. The next version of the book is dated December 5, 2007. That was in Berkeley, a strange story of its own. And again, nothing until April 4, 2008. Again, nothing until…

Now.

Now I’m going to focus each day on this book. I am going to write the rest of the story and clean it up some more. I am going to email Ann Pai and see if she’d be willing to read the book again.

And then I am going to sell the fucker.